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I don't normally talk about this...At one of the lowest points in my life, I quietly wrote out a will, leaving behind what little I have to my sister, and then I formulated a plan to commit suicide with the full intent of carrying it out the next day. I remember praying? that night before I passed out, "God, I'm tired and I can't continue. Take this life or I will take it."
While it might sound stupid or trite, I'm grateful that I did not act upon it. I felt a glimmer of hope the next day, one that has steadily grown in the years since. I obviously do not know the details of what you are going through, but I do sincerely wish you a sense of purpose, deep joy, and lasting peace. 🫂
...And because I can't ever help myself whenever geekery is afoot, here is a helpful tool for learning Spanish and French: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1zufAk6vPREdgSbrCWYjdBSqVumn-uit8_QUThpvH03o/edit#gid=0 Take care.
For me the idea that "no one should care about anything I have to say or accomplish" is liberating rather than defeating. If no one cares what you do you're free to do whatever can make you happy. On the flip side, making others happy wherever you can is also good for you. And it is the only thing you owe anyone. Dark days seem endless. But they're not. There's a quote I could find from Gandalf there, but you get it
PS: and by making others happy, I simply meant kindness. We all owe kindness wherever we can
i thank you all for your warm responses, i hope you all continue to do well