Neocities

astraya

2 years ago

had mri so waiting now for results and april appt so still not up to doing code for games sorry

2 likes

astraya reinlibrary

2 years ago

thks for the follow so returned favor followed u

1 like

reinlibrary 2 years ago

No problem! Thank you!

1 like

swiftred updated their site.

2 years ago

12 likes

swiftred 2 years ago

The button wall grows! Plus two new website descriptions. To those who I've neglected to thank, thank you kindly for following me <3

5 likes

swiftred 2 years ago

I also updated the members list for bookbug. I'm apprehensive about starting this month's book. I know it's going to start out confusing and I have a feeling I'll have a hard time with it, but I've heard good things about the book.

2 likes

missymjwrites 2 years ago

💖💖💖 once I get to updating my leaving page (slowly doing a big sort of revamp-lite to the site) I'll add your button! also o totally understand about Booking March book! it's very confusing at the start but I feel like chapter 3 is where it picks up (which wasn't too long for me at least).

2 likes

phi1l1y 2 years ago

The little blurb you wrote for my site had me tear up.. a small kindness perhaps but a large one in my heart. Thank you, truly. On another note, I've been meaning to read Giovanni's Room, so it was neat to see it pop up here!! I struggle with feeling like I don't have "what it takes" to read "correctly" as well, so it made me feel a little less alone to see your review start with that similar feeling haha

1 like

aeonluna updated their site.

2 years ago

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swiftred updated their site.

2 years ago

11 likes

swiftred 2 years ago

A new muse entry is out now =)

4 likes

owlroost 2 years ago

I feel you on being a late bloomer... I wish the world made more space for us to all take our time. For now, we really do have to take it.

5 likes

soulbox 2 years ago

I love your writings. And yes, I feel the same. Or that I want to do what I do out of love and not out of pressure from the world around me.

2 likes

swiftred 2 years ago

I feel I’m in good company. Thank you @owlroost

swiftred 2 years ago

Thank you @soulbox, this means so so much

astraya

2 years ago

MRI is scheduled so we see how things go after that on when i come back to finish stuff this has been a 2 yr wait to get this finally so yay! but the pain has gotten worse in time and so ow! just ow! when i know what i am dealing with then i will come do more or make changes to stuff still want to finish the games i got up though like the magic 8 crystal ball and runes and tarot games for sure...

3 likes

swiftred updated their site.

2 years ago

disgarding

16 likes

swiftred 2 years ago

A new blog post is out =)

2 likes

bearlythere 2 years ago

ah, this one hits close to home. identity is such a struggle, but I find it comes when you're not looking for it.

3 likes

ocrevol 2 years ago

I also have these tendencies + appreciate your candor in writing about this experience, it can indeed feel very alienating!

2 likes

pixelglade 2 years ago

I used to have a similar problem. When I was growing up I used to make a lot of blogs which I would usually end up deleting. I'm a bit more discerning about what I put online now to try avoid that kind of anxiety that I've "said too much". But I can relate to being miserable when my gender identity wasn't matching, it felt like an entirely different life where I would dissociate all the time and feel disconnected.

1 like

swiftred 2 years ago

I'm glad this resonates for you all :) And thank you lots for taking the time to read my writing and leaving thoughtful comments. I'm always delighted when there's dialogue surrounding a piece

1 like

aeonluna updated their site.

2 years ago

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aeonluna updated their site.

2 years ago

index

swiftred updated their site.

2 years ago

14 likes

swiftred 2 years ago

Popping in to tell you about my month x3 Very small update

5 likes

miela583 2 years ago

That’s very big, though, even if the amount if text is small compared to the whole page! It sounds like things are moving in such a wonderful direction!

2 likes

michaelmas 2 years ago

Woah mega-congrats (^○^)

2 likes

swiftred 2 years ago

Thank you both!! <3 <3

3 likes

cheytopia 2 years ago

Yay this is great news!!! Excited to see where this transitional journey leads you!

3 likes

swiftred 2 years ago

Thank you!!

bearlythere 2 years ago

So great to see this update. Congrats on starting T! My advice: start taking progress selfies! It can sometimes be hard to see the changes when they happen slowly, but looking back at photos from a year ago makes me realize how far I've come! You got this!

1 like

swiftred 2 years ago

Thank you!! What great advice. I've been recording my voice so far, but now I'll also be taking selfies =)

bisha astraya

2 years ago

your favorites page has so much character with all the gifs but the fortune cookie page is my favorite..create away.

1 like

astraya 2 years ago

thank you

1 like

swiftred updated their site.

2 years ago

8 likes

swiftred 2 years ago

I forgot to put back buttons on two of my blog posts, so figured I'd fix that. I doubt anyone is paying that close attention to me, but it feels better just to announce that I may not update the site for awhile. I'm feeling burnt out and stressed, so I'm trying to give time to let it pass.

14 likes

lizonline 2 years ago

Take your time and feel better soon! Stress is no fun, don't over-extend yourself working on your website ^_^

2 likes

swiftred 2 years ago

Thank you kindly!

1 like

soulbox 2 years ago

Get some rest, treat yourself kindly. ^^

2 likes

astraya

2 years ago

ok beginning to feel little better maybe march before i feel up to working on web page and games like runes and cyrstalball and tarot but i will eventually

3 likes

swiftred updated their site.

2 years ago

18 likes

swiftred 2 years ago

A wild blog post appears! in which I tell you why I'm a silly goose

4 likes

miela583 2 years ago

Part of my job is customer support over the phone, and I suspect some people expect that if they are talking to someone following the golden rule, it’s their privilege to take advantage of it. Being kind is still important, I think, but I agree with your conclusion here pretty thoroughly.

5 likes

iztopher 2 years ago

Ugh, this is such a good post and such a hard lesson to learn, I feel you. My partner and I had to sit down and talk about this because I kept operating under this rule, but the way I wanted to be treated wasn't necessarily the way she did, and vice versa. I hope you can get back some of the kindness you put out into the world, even if it's expressed differently.

2 likes

phi1l1y 2 years ago

This is a wonderful entry, one I (and I'm sure countless others) really feel. I was actually talking earlier to a friend about something related; our ways of masking our autism often comes out as extreme politeness, and for me specifically, submissiveness. It is hard for me to identify sometimes that when I laugh at a stranger's joke I don't find funny, or smile and nod my agreement, etc., if that is -

1 like

phi1l1y 2 years ago

- me wanting to be kind and acting out of my heart, or simply the way I feel I must behave. It's certainly a nuanced thing, especially when taking into consideration what you've said about how everyone loves and needs differently. Commencing my yapping now!

1 like

swiftred 2 years ago

It made my day to hear that you both enjoyed and related to my post, and it's nice knowing I'm not the only one <3 thank you for commenting. @iztopher thank you for the well wishes!!

1 like

swiftred 2 years ago

@phi1l1y I honestly think masking is such a bigger part of this than I give credit for. I've been trying to unmask in small ways, like trying not to be overly emotive, or compulsively smile all the time at everyone and, like you said, not laugh at unfunny things, and I realize just how deeply ingrained it is!! You're right that it's hard to separate. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts!

2 likes

swiftred

2 years ago

I've never been so excited to write before =) Muse is such a gift. And many thank you's to the overwhelmingly kind reception of my writing

17 likes

tehuan 2 years ago

awwwwh i'm so glad to hear it :] your writing is so wonderful

2 likes

swiftred 2 years ago

Thank you lots!!

2 likes

swiftred updated their site.

2 years ago

17 likes

swiftred 2 years ago

My second entry for muse is now out =) I'm letting out a deep sigh as I release this one

4 likes

fairygore 2 years ago

this felt like it was so cathartic for you. sending you much love <3

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swiftred 2 years ago

Very much so, thank you <3 <3

3 likes

owlroost 2 years ago

I'm proud of you for finding that way out and holding tight to it. It's okay to be scared of the unknown, but it says a lot about a person's strength when they continue alongside their fear. I believe in you. Sending all the best wishes- may life be an upwards arc of things getting better for you from here.

4 likes

iztopher 2 years ago

I'm proud of you for making it this far, and I'm excited for the next chapter of your life! may it give you the breathing space you need to find out how to be yourself as an adult. i definitely relate to feeling like you've lost your younger fire

3 likes

cheytopia 2 years ago

Wishing you all the peace and space to heal and grow. I'm so glad you made it to a safe place <3

3 likes

kph 2 years ago

Wow! I've got chills. You're a very clear and emotive writer. And I'm so very excited for you, with the end of this dark winter in sight. Sort of like a yule celebration--you're halfway through this long dark. :)

2 likes

swiftred 2 years ago

@owlroost that means so so much, thank you for the well wishes and kind words. I definetely viewed my fear as a weakness, so this is a beautiful, empowering reframe

swiftred 2 years ago

@iztopher thank you so much <3 I really appreciate it

swiftred 2 years ago

@cheytopia thank you <3

swiftred 2 years ago

@kph that's very evocative imagery, thank you for the thoughtful message. It's about time, it's been night for so long! It touches me that you find my writing to be clear and emotive. I will hold that close to me for a long time <3

1 like

tehuan 2 years ago

wow, this piece was so intense and wonderful. so proud of you for how far you've made it. it's always okay to be scared, and i'm wishing you luck as time goes on!

1 like

swiftred 2 years ago

Thank you so much @tehuan <3 <3

swiftred updated their site.

2 years ago

14 likes

swiftred 2 years ago

So many wonderful additions to the button wall. I'm so grateful for all the new, positive interactions <3

5 likes

veyther 2 years ago

YOOOOO IM THERE HI BUTTON ME (I honestly really want to make a mutals page maybe thats what ill tonight hrmm yes i think I will) ALso I listened to ctrl by sza because you said it was one of your favourite albums on your about page and it is just so damn good!!!

1 like

swiftred 2 years ago

YOOOOOOO HI =D I can't believe you listened to it because of me :,3 I'm really glad you liked it!! It brought me so much comfort, I had it on repeat for at least four months

swiftred frequency-modulator

2 years ago

I would like to express my gratitude for the follow =) I love your dream closet by the way!! So stylish, and what a great idea!

2 likes

swiftred vagueshape

2 years ago

Thank you for the follow! I really resonate with "She's Just Shy" and "It's Funny" from your "Why I Left Home" zine. Looking back at the younger self is so profound, so sad, so loving, so many things

2 likes

vagueshape 2 years ago

omg thank you! i honestly never expected anyone to read any of my work lol, but i'm glad it resonated :)

2 likes

swiftred catalogofrglesne

2 years ago

Hey, I appreciate the follow! I've been really grappling with impostor syndrome myself. I somehow act surprised that I'm not the only one. I wish you luck on your artistic journey, and I know encouraging words don't necessarily beat the impostor syndrome, but I really enjoy how you draw your characters, and the color + lighting on your log post is masterful.

2 likes

catalogofrglesne 2 years ago

super kind of you to reach out whaaaa ..... thank you so much, it's been getting better ! love your art as well, hope the your imposter syndrome gets better too

2 likes

swiftred 2 years ago

Glad to hear it! And thank you lots <3

1 like

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