nothing changed at home, by the way, not notably so. i actually should've done this a while ago. i've been really strangely lucky, which is part of why i've been feeling like i'm waiting for something bad to happen...i feel safer now. i'll feel really safe once g**gle updates its search results to fully divest that name from this website

i'm not extremely happy about this, though. it feels like lying, or masking a part of myself i wanted to share. i really liked that name. please, feel free to continue to mentally associate it with me. it will return

I can relate to this. It's unfortunate that sometimes safety trumps all other concerns, but I hope you find yourself in a better situation soon <3

damn i should be this careful, idk how to feel abt the fact if my parents came across my site they'd instantly know its me. ig i cant really gaf anymore my need to breathe reigns supreme

If it's needless, then just don't think too much about it. Take a rest, take a walk, whatever helps you take your mind off of things.

ok genuinely exploring this kind of therapy helped me a lot: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-ifs-therapy-internal-family-systems-therapy-5195336

also - even if $ for therapy is not an option, which for me it hasn't been lately, just kinda going through the idea and strategies in IFS help me out. obv it's different for everyone but hey, maybe it'll help out

okay @ fishgallery i guess i've been feeling guilty for blogging ngl. telling the truth about...some stuff. because my mother has been so hurt in the past by me telling other places online, my friends, therapists, etc., she's gotten me to correct myself to them (even the therapists) etc. i guess i'm scared of her somehow discovering i'm still "lying" (telling the truth)

Know what you want, and make the decision you can live with. You can change your mind anytime you want.

i know i have a commitment to being extremely honest and not exaggerating. i know that although i've been accused of lying for telling the truth, i know what the difference is. i have to tell the truth. i have to have a space to tell the truth. i can't live without it @lotus-cube

It really sucks that you have to go through this. I heard you updated your website name, so i hope you can get back to guilt free blogging soon.

okay wait it's fine now. turns out the dog stepped on our router or something

thank you. i haven't heard from you on Matrix in a while, you doing alright? doodling any drawings?

yeah im just shy lately. im drawing some but i want to actually finish something before i post. how have you been?

i have been...as okay as a guy like me can be. i won't burden you with the rest

thank you. your website is really cool