i was in the middle of having a sexual fantasy, with no shirt on, when my father casually walked in and reminded me, i'm not supposed to be on my phone this late (about a half hour ago). i'm like one of those forever-puppies. i'm in my mid 20s, getting older every year, but i don't age. i'm not a real person, nobody will ever be intimate with me. nobody will ever see me like this. except for -- what? my dad? -- shit!
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W of having a cold: having a slight cough but mostly a deeper voice and thinking, 'wow! i feel sexy! i wonder if i could sound like this all the time if i started smoking!' (i was mostly joking, i'm too already fucking crippled to smoke.) L of having a cold: when the slight cough gets worse and you're about to (sorry, this is gross) confront the existence of phlegm, something you hate far more than most other people
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benny1548132
4 days ago
seem to mildly dislike it, you don't want to think about the fact that other people can hear you, but your mother, not only can she hear you, she's got comments! 'spit it out!,' she says, trying to be 'helpful.' in a moment of horror, and desperation, you shout "i hate you, i fucking hate you! get off me! let me manage my own shit!" and she lets you know the neighbors can hear you, and you sound crazy.
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benny1548132
4 days ago
you apologize a few minutes later, and she tells you, 'you know how in therapy, or other times, you'll bring up something that i said or did three years ago? well, this is something i could bring up in three years...but i won't, i won't take it personally at all, because i know you were just exhausted. you need to learn that too, you need to learn to stop taking things so personally, and being so negative...’
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new blogs (plural) (i've posted a few in a row recently)
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benny1548132
1 week ago
i'm kind of tired of doing this. not blogging, but blogging about blogging, basically. why don't you guys just make a commitment to go and check every so often?
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obviously, what ICE is doing is terrible, and Nazi-like, yes. and i need you all to know that the Nazis learned from the u.s., and how they captured, tortured, killed, & 'owned' runaway slaves and indigenous people. may not be articulating this well but violence is foundational to the u.s. and it should not surprise you and it is not new and your race/domestic loyalty will not save you
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benny1548132
1 week ago
...oh, the things white people will do for white people. yeah, the murders were unjust & tragic, and seeing even the most superficial, passive people who normally don't do shit but clutch their pearls up in arms about this is so...pissing me off
new blog (and if you recognize some of it nuh-uh you don't i deleted that draft/page for a reason)
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i was just fucking talking about the four humors https://uquiz.com/quiz/mTVid8/four-humors-omegaverse-type
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benny1548132
3 weeks ago
they told me i was a melancholic omega. i disagree solely because they called me the top of the food chain and said i could be fixed
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benny1548132
3 weeks ago
i have no idea. despite being a dog/wolf guy i dunno shit about the alpha/omega-verse
i am literally just generally cool with everyone. i feel that that is true. and then my heart stops when i witness cringe lib behavior and i have to manually force a restart on my self otherwise i start spiraling because god i'm gonna die alone and a virgin
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benny1548132
4 weeks ago
that is the funny, horny, unserious version of what happens. (where is a principled faggot to find another principled faggot?) what actually happens is i get so overwhelmed by the casual cruelty & disengenousness of nearly every single person around me that it can make me break down...(where is a human being to find another human being?) (is love dead?) please fuck me
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i love my website. not because it's good or anything but because it's a safe place (relatively, i know) (but it's the only place i can even pretend is safe) for me to express myself and meet people as myself without needing to mask who i am. i love this stupid little website. i love you guys. i love that some of you seem to like me. some of you have emailed me. i don't even know why. i don't think i deserve it
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new blog + there was a poll there, too. i deleted it after it got all the results it was gonna get, but i screenshotted the results, so that i can remember & look back on how you fucking crazies validated me. thank you to everyone who did
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i'm not even a real interactable object.
yeah, i'll post this proper tomorrow. fuck me. no, i mean like
fuck my life