you had 69 followers so I followed! I read your other comment/thread, you should be wary of people but not all of them are bad, also your not a demon, your the human equivalent of an angel! I do feel you, I feel like i'm lazy, irresponsible, and my brain makes me not want to do the things I need to pass school.. it's a lot. anyways, best wishes for the future! do not krill yourself! you matter :D
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i can still hear their voice in my head, calling me a demon, saying i have demons in me. more than one voice. i hate that those ppl happened to be marginalized in a way i'm not, even if i am marginalized in a lot of ways. it almost makes me feel like everyone around me might be bad, but there's no point in trying to escape them because i'm worse and i can't go to the people who know how bad they are for help because
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benny1548132
1 day ago
i'll be hurting them really, really badly if i show up where they don't want me, but i can't blame them because i...can't blame them. and then i remember the other, even less marginalized people i've met who all thought i had a victim complex and was lazy and irresponsible and stupid and selfish and hostile, everyone from 'girl from rehab' to 'my mother,' and then i remember, oh, yeah, i can't go to anyone for help.
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benny1548132
1 day ago
because i don't deserve any. from anyone. the people around me might be bad, but i'm worse. everyone i've ever met seems to agree that there's no good thing i can do, and i hurt people just by being there
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i am literally just generally cool with everyone. i feel that that is true. and then my heart stops when i witness cringe lib behavior and i have to manually force a restart on my self otherwise i start spiraling because god i'm gonna die alone and a virgin
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benny1548132
2 days ago
that is the funny, horny, unserious version of what happens. (where is a principled faggot to find another principled faggot?) what actually happens is i get so overwhelmed by the casual cruelty & disengenousness of nearly every single person around me that it can make me break down...(where is a human being to find another human being?) (is love dead?) please fuck me
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i love my website. not because it's good or anything but because it's a safe place (relatively, i know) (but it's the only space i can even pretend is safe) for me to express myself and meet people as myself without needing to mask who i am. i love this stupid little website. i love you guys. i love that some of you seem to like me. some of you have emailed me. i don't even know why. i don't think i deserve it
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new blog + there was a poll there, too. i deleted it after it got all the results it was gonna get, but i screenshotted the results, so that i can remember & look back on how you fucking crazies validated me. thank you to everyone who did
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problem: i burnt a CD using Verbatim CDs and some program that came with the drive i got. my computer can't read all the data for the titles/artists and stuff but it will play the music. my CD player won't play the music. any fixes? i forgot the name of the program after deleting it because it wasn't working but my CD player is a Jensen made in 2023
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onlytrichromatic
5 days ago
I have tips!!! Take em or leave em. 1. Don't bother with the other program just use windows media player (the old one not the new one). 2. The metadata often doesn't work so tbh don't worry about it as long as the music plays. 3. As for the CD player not player, what format are you burning in? Sometimes the burn speed can fuck it up too if its too fast
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onlytrichromatic
4 days ago
at least in WMP, it should be in burn settings. its to the right of the little burning menu column thing
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benny1548132
4 days ago
i changed to WMP and slowed the burn speed to its slowest, and it's still not playing! i am so so sad about this
getting real into the four humors tonight. yes the medical stuff was largely bullshit but i think the personality/seasonal/life cycle stuff was close to...something. something interesting and helpful for unintended reasons if not intended reasons. what humor do you think you are? i think i'm phlegmatic, at least right now
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benny1548132
6 days ago
i thought sanguine at first, but i changed it to phlegmatic; i am friendly, but not very happy
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new blog, again
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badgraph1csghost
1 week ago
"you're not being abused, you're not losing your agency", they said as they began to abusively take away your agency.
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also your site is my favourite color :DD I luv green, it's a rlly good site :3
you and jebodiahwhatshisname took my 69 away :(( haahaha jk welcome to benny1548132 :)) enjoy your shitty stay & don worry friend. when i can vocalize how i feel, even if i feel like i want to die, we're good. if i'd been inactive for a while without saying anything at all then you could worry. but i'm okay for now. thank you for calling me a human angel. i disagree but i appreciate it nontheless
also this comment ^ and yours will self-destruct and be gone from my profile after you read it because i don't like keeping comments about follower count around in case they go to my head. it's a personal thing. but i do take screenshots of the kind/detailed ones