my controversial opinion is that not every site has to or should be accessible because that would put serious limits on what art you can or cannot make. my also controversial opinion (but i hope not) is that if your site is inaccessible you need to provide a warning detailing in what ways. not for purity culture. fuck that. people have epilepsy & shit, dawg
7 likes
i want -- need? -- a better bag and a better wallet and a good watch and a better phone but when i say better/good i mean functional and i don't want to pay more money than i absolutely have to for any of this
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wow!! i love my mother so much. she cooks for me and takes me out on drives and she knows how to not let me get sicker and i owe her so much and she might really be the only person who knows how to take care of me and would do it willingly and *remembers the rest* FUCK SHIT FUCK FCUK FUCK FUCK *starts throwing poop like a cornered ape* FU CK YOU FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK SUCK MY DICK AND BALLS
4 likes
thecountrybat
3 months ago
hey, so, I'm a mother, and all the stuff in the first part is stuff mothers are supposed to do w/o question for our kids. you don't owe her anything for it bc it was her choice to have you and, therefore, her choice to do all those things for you. you deserve to be treated *well*, not simply kept alive. be strong <3
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i updated the name of my website and took down my art page due to privacy concerns (if my parents reverse-image search my painting, which is literally on the wall at home, or look up that other name paired with my actual first name). the art page and the other name will return once i'm in a safer living situation
7 likes
benny1548132
3 months ago
nothing changed at home, by the way, not notably so. i actually should've done this a while ago. i've been really strangely lucky, which is part of why i've been feeling like i'm waiting for something bad to happen...i feel safer now. i'll feel really safe once g**gle updates its search results to fully divest that name from this website
2 likes
benny1548132
3 months ago
i'm not extremely happy about this, though. it feels like lying, or masking a part of myself i wanted to share. i really liked that name. please, feel free to continue to mentally associate it with me. it will return
1 like
shadesofred
3 months ago
I can relate to this. It's unfortunate that sometimes safety trumps all other concerns, but I hope you find yourself in a better situation soon <3
1 like
detondev
3 months ago
damn i should be this careful, idk how to feel abt the fact if my parents came across my site they'd instantly know its me. ig i cant really gaf anymore my need to breathe reigns supreme
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HOW TO KILL NEEDLESS GUILT AND/OR FEAR?? real answers and fake/funny both wanted. as a result of my environment/situation (probably) plus some bad habits i've been feeling very guilty n afraid lately. how to stop???
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fishgallery
3 months ago
If it's needless, then just don't think too much about it. Take a rest, take a walk, whatever helps you take your mind off of things.
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moonpr1sm
3 months ago
ok genuinely exploring this kind of therapy helped me a lot: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-ifs-therapy-internal-family-systems-therapy-5195336
1 like
moonpr1sm
3 months ago
also - even if $ for therapy is not an option, which for me it hasn't been lately, just kinda going through the idea and strategies in IFS help me out. obv it's different for everyone but hey, maybe it'll help out
2 likes
benny1548132
3 months ago
okay @ fishgallery i guess i've been feeling guilty for blogging ngl. telling the truth about...some stuff. because my mother has been so hurt in the past by me telling other places online, my friends, therapists, etc., she's gotten me to correct myself to them (even the therapists) etc. i guess i'm scared of her somehow discovering i'm still "lying" (telling the truth)
lotus-cube
3 months ago
Know what you want, and make the decision you can live with. You can change your mind anytime you want.
benny1548132
3 months ago
i know i have a commitment to being extremely honest and not exaggerating. i know that although i've been accused of lying for telling the truth, i know what the difference is. i have to tell the truth. i have to have a space to tell the truth. i can't live without it @lotus-cube
1 like
fishgallery
3 months ago
It really sucks that you have to go through this. I heard you updated your website name, so i hope you can get back to guilt free blogging soon.
1 like
my wifi/dns connection on my pc is still all fucked up because of the cloudflare thing...and my inkscape isn't working anymore,,,hnggh. computer broblems
benny1548132
3 months ago
okay wait it's fine now. turns out the dog stepped on our router or something
trued