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I'm late to find it, but I was delighted to read your August 9th blog about your changes on hrt. And, I was just as touched to re-read your, "the only deadline is death, and I am not going to die soon." It's very beautiful and encouraging and your hope is infectious ๐ Thanks, Tina!! Stay well!
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badgraph1csghost
6 months ago
you're welcome swift ^^ it's hard to stay optimistic some days, but i try. im glad to know some of that optimism might be rubbing off on people, because we could all use a little hope for the future these days. ๐
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miela583
6 months ago
Keeping your blog posts is impressive! I kept piles of notebooks worth of journals when I was living overseas, when I was not mentally doing my best, and had a friend in a different town where they burned trash dispose of them for me for max destruction. I know I should regret erasing that record, but it was fantastic. Anyway, this is probably a very bad comment, but I admire your resolve to keep things around!
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swiftred
6 months ago
Thank you! <3 <3 On the contrary!! It means a lot. It's so on point, I used to have a very early blog post about how good I am at destroying things like diary entries and blog posts. But I did a lot of writing this year and it was valuable to me. I think if I were to put them back up, I would end up culling some of them... I don't know. I cringe at past me a lot. Sometimes destruction is the answer, I feel.
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badgraph1csghost
6 months ago
that's a common thing in the legit detrans stories I read: the hormones didn't really help them with anything, it just made stuff more confusing, either for them or the people around them. i agree, living in a label-driven, mostly binary society truly sucks ass.
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pixelglade
6 months ago
I feel this a lot. Since society mostly tends to want people into man/boy or woman/girl, non-binary people end up being boxed into people's "best guess" the vast majority of the time. Even though I'm probably somewhat non-binary, I don't like the label, and also although some other types of terms like demiboy and agender adjacent like terms seem to fit a bit better, none of them actually do. I prefer he/him though.
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pixelglade
6 months ago
Also I don't pass lol, despite 2 years of testosterone, people just tend to refer to me as she/her or seem confused or act awkward or unsure when I tell them my preferred name (binary male sounding name). Kind of annoying but 2 years is still kinda early in the scheme of second puberty. I'm hoping I pass more than 10% of the time in future. I feel somewhat reassured I'm not the only one having similar thoughts.
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pixelglade
6 months ago
It's possible people think I'm a trans woman though rather than a cis woman? I have no idea. I'll never know because my estimates of passing if purely based on the reactions of strangers. (sorry for the ramble just thought I'd share my thoughts!)
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swiftred
6 months ago
@pixelgade It's more than welcome!! :) Thank you for sharing <3 Heh, and on the gauging passing thing-- sometimes I wish I could ask strangers flat out, "What do you see when you look at me???" But I also expressly don't want to know ๐๐๐ because it may hurt my feelings lol
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I broke my website and now I'm in ruins trying to fix it OMG WHY DID I TAMPER WITH THIS SHIT ISTG
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tysm for following me! How can you import youtube videos onto television screens? When I put a link into iframe, it said Youtube didn't allow me
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frutigeraeroarchive
6 months ago
Just paste the URL, maybe youtube is blocking you (that happens sometimes), if that's the case it should fix itself after a day. Or maybe the video you're trying to paste doesn't allow to be played externally.
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tysm for following my site (although it is still the biggest wip I keep). Found your site by searching "persona" tag, wish I could be productive like you. Btw, how I create indie works on my site is experiencing foolycooly during making process
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tysm for following my site!!! Didn't expect you'd put the link of my site at all <3
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devhank
5 months ago
well it'd be more fun if I finished the mini js games on my home page, now I'm working on other pages first
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nice to see ya ๐
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swiftred
6 months ago
Thank you-- Always great to see you too, joe ๐๐ I hope you're doing well. The 'stepping out' mural looks cool. You have an eye for neat things.
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maxcrunch
6 months ago
I feel like I could have written parts of this myself. I have a strong flight response when I get too much attention! I want community but I don't want anybody to really see me.
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swiftred
6 months ago
๐๐ I appreciate your comment, maxcrunch. It's such a tough thing, imo! Wish it didn't hurt so bad to be visible.
d60010
6 months ago
real "why are you me, i'm me" moment. i hate how easy it is to feel guilty just for being negative or depressed. it's a necessary stop on the pendulum of human emotions.
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oh that is unsettling. those articles are written by analysts, rather than the people who actually experience the disorder. "it's nothing to worry about", yeah great, well how would YOU like it, sigmund?
Lmfao, right. An extra dose of irrational anxiety for breakfast ๐๐๐ No biggie ๐
ough i'm sorry. i unfortunately know what that's like but it is not fun at all... i hope you can find some way to lessen the frequency of those :/
I hope it gets better soons. :c I've dealt with some prettty bad psychosis and also experienced some wild shit before and after sleeping. I don't have much to say in the way of treatment. Stress worsens it, though. Like nightmares, sometimes its a sign that I need to relax. Not that its easy lol but yeah.