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sorry for being so negative last night. it's just that i'm BARELY starting to realize that my parents are terrible people. i've known for a long time that they were my abusers, but i never went as far as to say that they are just bad people.
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I love your site! It's so cute :)
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bluemoonfalls
3 years ago
psst, just wanted to let you know in case you didn't catch it that your update today displays the update date of march 26th - i assume it was an accident due to copy/pasting the format that you just didn't catch haha
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being transβat least in my experienceβmeans loving oneself & one's world to such an extent that one would rather be hated by all the world than convert. i think this is what the contemporary trans community has in common with the early Christians
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melchi0r
3 years ago
sorry, i'm kinda rambling rn and my thoughts aren't very cohesive. i think i am going to go to bed now
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maxwellmacarthur
3 years ago
Iβm not trans, Iβm gay, and I wholeheartedly agree. It took me a very long time, but finally Iβve recently come to actually like the fact that Iβm gay after years and years of wishing I wasnβt, and then accepting it with neutrality. Iβm 26 now and only maybe a year ago did I come to the place where I wouldnβt change things given the opportunity.
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maxwellmacarthur
3 years ago
The early Christians, the christians living under Tokugawa Ieyasu, many Muslims in the world today, pretty much any religious person in North Korea, all love their god enough that all the hate in the world couldnβt sway them and thatβs a beautiful thing. I love my god as much too, but I finally also love myself enough to say the same.
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maxwellmacarthur
3 years ago
Thank you for talking about this I think itβs important for people who arenβt in that place yet. And sorry for rambling myself lol
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all of the things my parents have said about queer people hurt me so bad now. even before discovering i was trans/enby their words hurt. but now they feel like being stabbed over & over again
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melchi0r
3 years ago
sorry, i've been making many, many realizations about my past relationships these past few days. i think Providence allowed me to become trans so that i could, finally, love myself for who i am. but this form of intense self-love involves some temporary, immediate pain. that usually takes the form of abandoning destructive friendships & reevaluating my relationship with my parents
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the amount of times my parents have compared themselvesβessentially white middle class Americansβto Jews in the Holocaust (bc of the "woke" left) is absolutely disgusting to me.
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melchi0r
3 years ago
& I'm sure they wouldn't care about the oppression of LGBTQ+ under the Nazi regime. For people that talk so much about preserving history, they really know nothing about it
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melchi0r
3 years ago
I've tried humanizing & empathizing with my parents my whole life (bc they literally made me to be this way), but thinking about all of the ridiculous statements they've made makes it really hard to be compassionate torwards them. In fact, I would rather be anywhere else than with them
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like i gave them so many chances & rationalized their behavior in various different ways. i even told myself that it was my DUTY as their child to take care of them. but honestly, they don't deserve that. they're so bigoted & horrible
i can't imagine coming out to them as trans. their opinion of trans people is so shockingly low despite the fact that they don't engage with trans people on a daily basis
Don't worry, when my PTSD amnesia fades, I really become like this as well!! So it's alright!!