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melchi0r

melchi0r.neocities.org

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hey guys it's been a long while. tons of stuff has happened & i guess i want to get back into being a trashgirl on the internet so i will be posting shtuff soon
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melchi0r 4 days ago

good news: i am making friends now!!! a lot of them are trans/nb too, which is nice :))

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melchi0r 4 days ago

i also have more clothes now,,,,

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HENLO
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microsynthera 3 weeks ago

hiiiiiiiiiii

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do u think the whole "you're still my bro no matter what you call yourself" sthick is an underhanded way to invalidate a trans person's identity
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melchi0r 1 month ago

i guess it depends on the context, but i've had this said to me on two separate occasions. in both it seemed as if they were just saying it to say it; they didn't make any real effort to affirm my identity

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melchi0r 1 month ago

i wish i could stop thinking about how my guy friends perceive me. idk i guess these are the struggles of being amab & coming out as nonbinary/trans

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maxwellmacarthur 1 month ago

I call all my friends bro whether guy, girl, or non binary. What strikes me odd is “what you call yourself”. I’m not trans, but I know that it’s not what you call yourself, it’s what you are. Just my thoughts

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datura 1 month ago

Agree with maxwellmacarthur but also, it might just be a really awkward way to show support from people who aren't really familiar with those concepts. Like a bit confuse but got the spirit ?

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melchi0r 1 month ago

@maxwellmacarthur @datura I think u guys are right. I'm just really sensitive rn & i think i'm being a little to critical of some of my friends. they probably don't have a frame of reference for this sort of things

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good trans morning
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sorry for being so negative last night. it's just that i'm BARELY starting to realize that my parents are terrible people. i've known for a long time that they were my abusers, but i never went as far as to say that they are just bad people.
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melchi0r 1 month ago

like i gave them so many chances & rationalized their behavior in various different ways. i even told myself that it was my DUTY as their child to take care of them. but honestly, they don't deserve that. they're so bigoted & horrible

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melchi0r 1 month ago

i can't imagine coming out to them as trans. their opinion of trans people is so shockingly low despite the fact that they don't engage with trans people on a daily basis

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misswannabe 1 month ago

Don't worry, when my PTSD amnesia fades, I really become like this as well!! So it's alright!!

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being trans—at least in my experience—means loving oneself & one's world to such an extent that one would rather be hated by all the world than convert. i think this is what the contemporary trans community has in common with the early Christians
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melchi0r 1 month ago

sorry, i'm kinda rambling rn and my thoughts aren't very cohesive. i think i am going to go to bed now

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maxwellmacarthur 1 month ago

I’m not trans, I’m gay, and I wholeheartedly agree. It took me a very long time, but finally I’ve recently come to actually like the fact that I’m gay after years and years of wishing I wasn’t, and then accepting it with neutrality. I’m 26 now and only maybe a year ago did I come to the place where I wouldn’t change things given the opportunity.

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maxwellmacarthur 1 month ago

The early Christians, the christians living under Tokugawa Ieyasu, many Muslims in the world today, pretty much any religious person in North Korea, all love their god enough that all the hate in the world couldn’t sway them and that’s a beautiful thing. I love my god as much too, but I finally also love myself enough to say the same.

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maxwellmacarthur 1 month ago

Thank you for talking about this I think it’s important for people who aren’t in that place yet. And sorry for rambling myself lol

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all of the things my parents have said about queer people hurt me so bad now. even before discovering i was trans/enby their words hurt. but now they feel like being stabbed over & over again
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melchi0r 1 month ago

sorry, i've been making many, many realizations about my past relationships these past few days. i think Providence allowed me to become trans so that i could, finally, love myself for who i am. but this form of intense self-love involves some temporary, immediate pain. that usually takes the form of abandoning destructive friendships & reevaluating my relationship with my parents

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the amount of times my parents have compared themselves—essentially white middle class Americans—to Jews in the Holocaust (bc of the "woke" left) is absolutely disgusting to me.
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melchi0r 1 month ago

& I'm sure they wouldn't care about the oppression of LGBTQ+ under the Nazi regime. For people that talk so much about preserving history, they really know nothing about it

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melchi0r 1 month ago

I've tried humanizing & empathizing with my parents my whole life (bc they literally made me to be this way), but thinking about all of the ridiculous statements they've made makes it really hard to be compassionate torwards them. In fact, I would rather be anywhere else than with them

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want my website to look more cutesy now but i don't feel like remodeling it aaaaaa
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