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caesthoffe
1 year ago
ive never heard of that story, but holy fuck your imagery is soooo vivid i might as well have been there. love the vocabuulary you used :0
manyface
1 year ago
@caesthoffe thank you so much!! there are a lot of variants of the story, i was surprised to see just how many there are when i was refreshing myself on the premise. i think i know the story from a soviet cartoon?
ryomakesthings
1 year ago
really love how compact and punchy this poem is - completely agree with caesthoffe that the imagery is stunning!
manyface
1 year ago
@ryo thank you!!! it was the sort of thing that came to me as i was trying to sleep and i had to get up to write it down, haha!
ryomakesthings
1 year ago
I really appreciate the honesty and self-awareness of this piece, I especially like how you called back to your earlier poems. I love the imagery of the porch in the middle!
owlroost
1 year ago
Something I've been doing with Muse pieces in general is callbacks! Usually via metaphors echoing forwards. I find it fun and it inspires me to find ways to connect them.
manyface
1 year ago
this is really beautiful!!! i loved reading it! thank you so much for sharing, the imagery was fantastic and dazzling!
ryomakesthings
1 year ago
there is a lot of honesty in this piece that is very well-balanced with a certain artistic flair. I really like the format of the Shakespearean sonnet and the rhyme scheme, I think it adds to the musicality of the piece quite well!
caesthoffe
1 year ago
incredibly relatable, love your use of Icarion as a word. also, don't know if you did this on purpose but "i pray everyday for my body to align with the plans i fashion in my mind" is very tran/non-binary coded, which i loved.
owlroost
1 year ago
Sometimes you read the first line of a poem and know it'll be good. This is one of those poems. The rest followed through, but that first line is going to stick with me.
manyface
1 year ago
this was wonderful and relatable... i loved the rhyme scheme and the overall sentiment. i like that it seemed to be positive at the end, there is hope! remember to take care of yourself.
angelogistics
1 year ago
ohhh maybe i just love how a blank website page feels like a cathedral but this hit so hard & so well ... rlly lovely imagery ! !
melxncholyman
1 year ago
@angelogistics there is something holy to be found in enclosed emptiness… thank you for the praise <3
ryomakesthings
1 year ago
what a beautiful and poignant poem - seconding that the imagery is stunning, you incapsulated so much history, grief and hope in a few words. thank you for sharing your artistry with us!
owlroost
1 year ago
The fractal horses of all things really connected with me. Gorgeous visuals, and it feels rooted somehow in a way that a lot of poetry doesn't.
melxncholyman
1 year ago
@owlroost thank you, i had fun imagining an infinite scale of little horses heheh
manyface
1 year ago
this was really awesome - everybody who said that the imagery is amazing is absolutely correct. an amazing piece. thank you for sharing!
ryomakesthings
1 year ago
absolutely love the format! very effective choice to have no punctuation, it makes the abundant imagery all the more potent!
manyface
1 year ago
thank you so much ryo!!! i was worried it would take away a lot of the clarity (not a bad thing in itself) but that that would compromise the impact. i'm glad it didn't!
manyface
1 year ago
this was so beautiful, i genuinely feel a bit tearful now! i'm really glad to have read this! thank you for sharing!
ryomakesthings
1 year ago
this is such a well-crafted and evocative piece of writing. the last two lines especially are so powerful!
shibardnek
1 year ago
i really liked this one! it really highlights just how panicked one's anxious thoughts can become, and it really nailed it on the head with how quickly it tends to escalate too. i especially like the touch of making it a run-on.
asters-asterisms
1 year ago
i love the rambling style of this!! i feel like it helps add to the emotion of the piece mwah
manyface
1 year ago
i like this a lot!! it's very cool and the run on structure is excellent. great work as always, ryo!
melxncholyman
1 year ago
really liked the escalation of scale and how you cheekily tied it back to the beginning ^^
ryomakesthings
1 year ago
I really like how you focussed on not only the graduality of distress but that of hope, as well. I appreciate how it ends on a note of self-forgiveness, the whole thing put a smile on my face. the format is also very interesting!
shibardnek
1 year ago
thank you! when writing it i was thinking of a computer terminal, and the straightforwardness of prompt fills.
manyface
1 year ago
this was really nice to read, i'm glad there was hope as well as despair and that it all felt like a process with the best intentions of the character/voice in mind, by the end of it!
manyface
1 year ago
this is so amazing... i really loved reading through it, it's beautiful and the repetition is so powerful and poignant. so proud of you for sharing this, thank you.
ryomakesthings
1 year ago
what a beautiful and powerful lament. I love how you went down each line one at a time and how terribly human it all is. thank you for your art!
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this is a wonderful poem and i can feel your expression of pride through the words and images! i especially like that third stanza! :)
it's always a very lovely experience to see other people expressing pride in their own way, and I think you did so very effectively with your imagery. there is this sort of soft joy about it that I really like, almost like gentle breeze through an open window - good work!