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siqu
1 year ago
Games are strange to think back on for sure. That tendency to try to pull more meaning out of it is pathological probably since it was an all-encompassing presence. And that if you somehow figure it out you could recover the joy from it -- also, I wonder if there's a term for what you described: those trying to hype and slather makeup on something that feels hollow
daliwali
1 year ago
i've checked out some of those bands you linked to, you have quite the interest in "no-audience underground" music. i honestly don't know much about Chinese rock beyond Cui Jian, or more recently, Chinese Football (and that is only because i'm a fan of American Football).
saddleblasters
1 year ago
@daliwali thanks for looking at the bands i link to -- at least 50% of why i write on this website is to trick other people into exploring the music i like. cui jian is great, especially his lyrics, and chinese football is definitely a big part of the zeitgeist in shanghai: i feel like that's become the default sound for college students starting their first band to imitate.
saddleblasters
1 year ago
i do like some popular rock bands! thanks to your comment, i spent some time today cleaning up this essay i wrote last year about New Pants, which is simultaneously one of China's most popular rock bands and is (or at least once was) very good imo: https://saddleblasters.neocities.org/essays/231130
saddleblasters
1 year ago
@siqu yeah, i think a lot of the issue for me is the gulf between what was once "an all-encompassing presence" for my childhood and even early 20s, and the fact that now video games have come to more or less a dead end for me emotionally. a lot of the other things i cared about as a kid did continue to grow into something that still has relevance to me now, yet video games still seem to lie dormant inside of me
siqu
1 year ago
it seems like the only way to extend videogames is to make videogames, but it's just such an endeavor
saddleblasters
1 year ago
and that was precisely the problem I had with making games: I was ultimately just trying to turn all of that emotional investment accumulated over the years into something "valuable". By it's very nature this forced me to constantly be empathising with my previous selves, taking all their feelings seriously, which was too exhausting (though maybe this is just an excuse)
siqu
1 year ago
don't think there's anything wrong with trying to get a return on investment. it'd be cool to make a videogame, and that alone is enough justification. it's just frustrating since it's a multi-disciplinary product -- music, sprites, sounds, design, story and then the actual programming. you'd have to _really_ want to make a videogame to push through all of those roles, to where it makes more sense to invest elsewhere
niicespiice
1 year ago
nah i don't think it's petty to dislike people objectifying your work. "minor" things can affect people in major ways. it's like how when people listen to depressing japanese songs and say "Wow, this sounds to happy! If only it wasn't for the lyrics..." like I don't get how it sounds happy. In most cases, it's probably not meant to. It's just a weird interpritation that peoples' misery is "so kawaii xdxd"
monsieurdoll
1 year ago
i completely agree.. i've gotten a lot more stressed about how peole view my site. it feels like people just see it as an aesthetic instead of something i put work into, something that is like an extension of me almost
rotbrain
1 year ago
Man, that diary entry pulled some complicated feelings from deep within me, ones that I usually bury. But no, wanting to be truly seen, and not just simply looked at, is not hateful, spiteful, or bitchy.
rotbrain
1 year ago
Big agree on what niicespiice said, all these parts are not at odds with one another, they are part of the same whole.
rotbrain
1 year ago
I don't like your site *just because* there are bunch of pretty blinkling lights, and not *just because* there is a diary with a lot of venting, I like it because it feels like I'm stepping into someone's home, treating it any other way feels disrespectful.
rotbrain
1 year ago
At the end of the day, we have to hold those who earnestly try to see us for who we are close to us, and tell the others to kindly piss off.
inai
1 year ago
not bitter. i get you. theres a large crowd that scrubs the personality out of anything in favor of aesthetics; dont even read the words people write, just admire the layouts etc etc. i cant help but play with code and try to make things look nice, but sometimes it does certainly feel like thatll be the only thing that ever 'matters'
littlewren
1 year ago
I think itβs like when people only compliment appearance, but not character. Even if you changed your website to just a blank page I would still wait for updates, to know that you are well and for love to your poetry. Your layout itβs beautiful - it showcases your interests and hard work, but itβs not the best nor only part of velvetblue - you are.
hubbardian
1 year ago
I recently followed your site because I respected your site approach, but knew it and liked it even before that. I think there are more shy people like that than there are the kind of people you're talking about here. :)
niicespiice
1 year ago
also for the record, i don't care for the "old web revival" stuff. i look at neocities to see peoples' personal thoughts, but i don't care about it as some sort of "let's bring back the old internet." i don't LIKE modern social media but i also don't care about the old internet either, ykyk? they have their own flaws, and it feels very "owo im quirky," obsessing over retro things.
visualculture
1 year ago
when an artistic work is released to the public, it inevitably becomes an entity with a life of its own separate from its creator. this happens with novels, paintings, and yes websites. for better or worse, this is just the reality of art let out into the world
visualculture
1 year ago
i guess you just have to determine whether the good connections you make by going public outweigh the reactions you perceive as negative, and just enjoy the process of creation
rotbrain
1 year ago
I have a lot of mixed feelings about Neocities' social-media features (follows, view counts, stats, number of likes), and I could do without them, I've been thinking of dusting off my coding skills to make a userscript to hide that stuff.
rotbrain
1 year ago
However I do appreciate the message & comments feature, in some ways it feels like a slightly more exclusive guestbook, since you know that these are other webmasters who are more likely to appreciate and engage with what you put out, instead of passersby who are just in it for the c00l aesthetic.
soulbox
1 year ago
I understand. I'm conflicted about this too. I want my next web project to be a very personal thing for me. At the same time, I lament about how people are going to receive it. Eventually my website starts to feel awkward. Like I don't know where to put it. Or if I should host it anywhere at all.
soulbox
1 year ago
For everybody here, web design is another art form. Can't say the same for other people though. No matter what you do, just know that you have my support. Expressing yourself, especially like this, takes a lot.
rotbrain
1 year ago
reply to soulbox: I also used to feel conflicted about wanting to make my art for myself but also wanting it to be received well by others, I eventually landed on "creating not just for personal expression, but for communication, not to be liked by people, but to be understood", that mindset sort of resolved that for me, personally.
roybutty
1 year ago
While I don't usually reply to site updates, I do remember to check them every week. I don't think most people separate someone's personality and their site on here maliciously, but it is 100% valid to be frustrated at that. I love aesthetics as much as the next person, but it's really the authors' words and expression of themselves that ultimately makes me keep checking back in on their sites, including yours.
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13 new poems <3