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siqu
1 year ago
w.r.t. changing others, it's inevitable so may as well embrace it. Depending on how you influence others, they may enjoy the changes and thank you for it. Reading some of your essays contributed to writing again for some sanity, so thank you (´・ω・`) Weird how writing can be both an exercise in pointlessness but also the spark to change for the better
saddleblasters
1 year ago
I think it's easier to influence people positively when we're just interacting over the internet. E.g. if you like my writing you can keep reading it, and if you dislike it (or just find an individual piece boring) it's easy to forget about it. But with real life relationships, the good often has to be taken with the bad, so I feel a little sad seeing my bad habits (i.e. anti-socialness) infect someone else
saddleblasters
1 year ago
Writing is nice, because whenever I sit down to write (or to read something you or someone else wrote) anything can happen. There's always the potential to think new thoughts or to become a new person for a few moments, as long as we can stay out of depressive spirals.
michaelmas
1 year ago
I think in many ways, nostalgia is just a constant cycle. I used to think I felt nostalgic for a year or two ago, that I was happier then, till a week or two ago when I read my diary & thought things sounded "simpler" & "happier" only a few months ago, when that is not the case. I'm just as happy now as I was then, even if it's a lack of happiness. This is to say that I think nostalgia is largely illusory.
michaelmas
1 year ago
I make it a point to remind myself that the times I am living right now will eventually be nostalgic for me, and rather than nostalgia being a narrowing, burdensome thing that puts me into some sort of narrative, it’s instead cause for me to live as well as I can, right now. Hope your feelings ease up soon, maybe not happiness per se, but that your necessary sadnesses and miseries become easier to bear.
amari-ga-shin-da
1 year ago
Also to answer your hat question, I don't think the hat in Binetsu has a specific name, but I think it might be either a toque or an Andean chollo? I did also look up "knit hat with bobble and ear flaps," So maybe try that heehee ^^;
saddleblasters
1 year ago
Thank you! a lot of the illusion of depth on my website just comes from it being disorganized and changing how I do thinks every few months. A lot of the older essays in particular are pretty silly and I need to revisit those themes soon. I read your diary and like all your drawings/character designs! If you like rabbits, there's a popular Shanghainese candy brand called "White Rabbit"
amari-ga-shin-da
1 year ago
Oh oh I have a bag of white rabbit in my room right now actually :D I like keeping the wrappers since the designs are so cute, thank you for visiting my website also!!
saddleblasters
1 year ago
As with everything on this website, I'm sure this will very quickly become a massive pain to navigate as I add to it. Hopefully I'll be inspired to think seriously about organization someday!
balckwell
1 year ago
you've mentioned your brother's quote about lists often enough now that it's seeped into my brain and i fully believe it
suboptimalism
1 year ago
dunno if it's quirky enough but i got this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGFeBHV8v2U
suboptimalism
1 year ago
i designed a list page a while ago but never uploaded it... maybe it is time
suttaslime
1 year ago
this is a great idea! i look forward to following this as it grows. going through the music now - i'm familiar with tentenko, but hadn't heard of MikaTen
saddleblasters
2 years ago
It's been a long time since I've written an actual essay. In this last week of National Poetry Month, I'm sharing this piece about Du Fu (my favorite poet?). I hinted at it earlier in the month, and, well, it's gone through quite a few transformations since then.
sorbier
2 years ago
i wonder if you might get something out of going halfway of sorts -- bring your phone with you but keep it off unless you need to pay for something?
suboptimalism
2 years ago
reading that bob's game essay is like mainlining the zeitgeist of the noughties (gradual descent into complete psychosis included at no extra cost). 5 minutes in, i had a premonition that tim would show up somehow...
saddleblasters
2 years ago
also for the record, i don't think anything he wrote is all that psychotic. it's just a lot of standard buddhist ideas, though expressed through christian language, which i think defamiliarizes it and makes it sound more extreme than it actually is. but, yeah, he's clearly been through a lot, which is what makes this such a fantastic and unique piece of literature
siqu
2 years ago
"The video game industry (and most other industries) are essentially criminal cults, indoctrinating children with mind control which makes the children stray from their families, develop no skills to have other choices, and become enslaved by the addiction and loss of will, hypnotizes them and leads them right into the waiting hands of the cult."
balckwell
2 years ago
haven't finished the whole essay but these are far from "standard buddhist ideas"... his is an extremely paranoid worldview resulting from isolation and drug abuse. reminds me a lot of Philip K Dick. regarding your journal: i hope this decision lifts a burden from your shoulders and helps you focus on your other passions
saddleblasters
2 years ago
Your absolutely right and I shouldn't have said that without rereading the whole piece instead of only relying on my memory and skimming. I was mostly thinking of the "we can all be god" part, but of course there was so much more that I had forgotten/didn't notice
suboptimalism
2 years ago
coincidentally i read the essay right after finishing a pkd novel and it felt like a smooth transition
saddleblasters
2 years ago
i think i have an unhealthy tendency to relate to one or two things and translate them into "my language", blinding myself to other things e.g. his attitude in some parts that mind control is just part of our nature and not something to worry too much about became "we're all just constantly deluding ourselves and each other" -- but this misses the intentionality and malice that the word "mind control" implies
suboptimalism
2 years ago
that happens a lot when people encounter psychotic rambles, they instinctively try to make it "make sense", usually by interpreting things meant literally as being figurative.
siqu
2 years ago
hope you find the engrossing hobby -- games could be it. A very enjoyable post of yours meditated upon the inaccessible virtual worlds, "liminal pasts" -- what better way than to expand upon it than to add to it with your own, perhaps (´・ω・`)
saddleblasters
2 years ago
Thank you! Writing all of this stuff makes me feel exhausted, especially the Chinese stuff, but hopefully I'll find a way to keep coming up with ideas.
art music videogames programming anime games food personal writing cats blog movies books gaming fashion photography comics animation design horror game arte drawing coding manga portfolio reading furry poetry ocs musica cute technology kpop history animals film education literature fun philosophy roblox programacion sports nature science html tech videogame programing politics travel minecraft gamedev web love retro life videojuegos school 2000s computers pokemon youtube blogging cartoons diary fantasy pink illustration video dogs idk gardening random comic videos internet memes ai oc linux cooking y2k arg queer nostalgia crafts kawaii tv journal fandom webcomic worldbuilding test aesthetic cars emo media films business learning fanfiction vocaloid news space health stuff math silly fiction website arts culture cutecore stories scifi etc journaling painting 90s baking cat crochet punk graphics football cinema 3d homestuck goth diy software marketing psychology css pixelart series commissions archive artist program shows dance lgbt sport sanrio comida digitalart me dnd makeup creativity metal trans graphicdesign characters lifestyle editing religion indie lgbtq funny aboutme friends cool rpg streaming fanart plants clothes guitar entertainment sonic development code story roleplay scene rock webcomics everything languages ttrpg zines electronics comedy sewing community javascript engineering study aesthetics reviews weird gay webcore hacking cyberpunk beauty vintage it originalcharacters fnaf basketball deltarune photos social webdesign educacion spirituality soccer vtuber computer blogs weirdcore oldweb pets storytelling discord coffee project hobbies thoughts architecture informatica biology flowers movie clothing shop undertale japan information magic cosplay vaporwave language lore shopping fandoms book mlp ttrpgs nintendo creative radio fitness chat alternative testing about physics experimental digital astronomy nothing singing blinkies websites money crafting info site moda crypto birds cybersecurity witchcraft personalwebsite juegos html5 wip anything bugs japanese research tecnologia tvshows theatre furries occult band projects gamedevelopment autism finance sleep gatos other yaoi sleeping profile television dolls interests events work all knitting resume vr futbol photo animes vampires fish lain genshin system frutigeraero linguistics dreams poems apps romance transgender puzzle collecting astrology wiki visualnovels mentalhealth gym marvel essays fanfic skateboarding tarot rap toys gothic dancing meme developer splatoon aliens python app free english webdevelopment windows drawings animations hiking family cartoon bio gamedesign medicine coquette stamps ghchs robots chess dog pixels intro modding gyaru carrd fortnite teaching puzzles journalism touhou humor interactive yuri mystery a jogos mathematics birthday pizza dragons deportes osc popculture gallery creepypasta characterdesign security zine libros links adventure hobby resources online roleplaying no fnf mythology musicals blender peliculas data rp piano ocean jfashion traveling novels fansite pixel introduction vkei dreamcore myself objectshows audio amor gifs meow law studying zonelets lol style recipes pjsk dark hiphop breakcore twitch home indiegames danganronpa stars swag ffxiv noise running bfdi privacy tf2 paranormal wrestling christianity communism spanish plushies boardgames shrine activism bunnies rpgs podcast graphic foods scenecore production progamming none cine craft death car robotics pictures volleyball socialmedia utau bl jewelry hellokitty feminism filmmaking pinterest songs outdoors travelling geography ecommerce collage designing things educational lesbian awesome omori twine 3dmodeling electronic alt android anarchism dev grunge student dinosaurs whimsy brasil maths god vent misc tools lolita scratch 80s blue webdev novel fotografia sharks deporte transformers clowns environment acting bts girls jazz manhwa jpop old stickers realestate mario jesus cafe chemistry theater starwars store tea unblocked filmes computing vtubers cozy vlog pc trains help images college doom args creepy yoga baseball construction pop plurality computerscience f1 services literatura translation mcr whatever horses cyber videography tumblr collection draw retrogaming lego flash historia bitcoin multimedia event warriorcats programmer programar dj pastel escuela skating epic gamer videoediting supernatural java trading southpark persona insects girly weed therian ecology hardware 3dprinting techno livros tabletop weather tiktok nerd forum miku dc yes opensource socialism salud monsters swimming skincare trinkets drama truecrime lgbtqia tattoos medical podcasts people green chatting economics ropa js programas surrealism artes maps modeling sound tcc kandi bsd angels vhs hi freedom world shoes animales restaurant ideas author homepage animanga artwork healthcare edm cricket sociology fishing learn kdrama search cultura otherkin sketching hockey kirby cleaning analysis conspiracy tourism visualnovel bands enstars kidcore racing estudiante text hardcore halloween bible chill service turismo curso digitalmarketing colors brazil plural analog academia thrifting knowledge sculpture videogaming christian petz purple tennis friendship writting programacao homework wedding egl closedspecies eating did shitposting depression rats scary programa cv general library women frogs mangas drugs hair creation networking ambient surreal yapping retrogames medieval sites furniture graffiti sciencefiction aviation alterhuman wellness mobile sustainability gacha mods academic rants genshinimpact magazine university otaku schoolproject webseries cryptids anthropology foss ceramics tutorials water anarchy cycling theology quotes harrypotter soft glitch talking building truth erotica blockchain rpgmaker writer nails ux crocheting yumeship vida 3dart ghosts analoghorror tattoo jjba society batman garden practice concerts scrapbooking terror onepiece kdramas theory esoteric estudio review server liminal company archives programs informacion guns conlang superheroes forsaken shrines bot notes cards illustrations character musicproduction bikes cryptocurrency performance voiceacting species selfship class kids neocities french creating camping noticias os live vampire articles folklore startrek animal cs handmade spiderman play shitpost fanfics mtg communication crk apple hetalia seals instagram sanat content meditation decor blood dandysworld shoegaze revival disney training rhythmgames unblockedgames ultrakill future house lostmedia originalcharacter church poesia programmation industrial chaos crime synthesizers google miriadax creativewriting mylittlepony quiz vlogs twitter evangelion satire vrchat new advertising animalcrossing adhd css3 viajes doodles youtuber ia vinyl geek musics commission idols paganism military party sims zelda disability marxism daily vtubing exercise dating embroidery something musicas islam desing frontend sweets interactivefiction calculator magick scp repair facts joke mha rambling shoujo finalfantasy creatures neopets bass programm animating todo visualkei designer black more cheese randomstuff tamagotchi beach vibes underground songwriting entretenimiento spooky rainbow prompts jobs musique solarpunk oldinternet cult shifting vegan miscellaneous collections overwatch stem zombies kink silliness jeux gossip glitter spiritual developing motorcycles datascience hack happy halflife warhammer webring tareas dungeonsanddragons jokes anthro faith tips fotos studies beginner tarea miniatures videgames archival instruments photoshop club drinks self tecnology musician conlangs moe tokusatsu dibujo trabajo download multifandom hotel exploration arcane woodworking productivity 1 mushrooms yugioh red edits secret lofi cake mecha gender streamer private tcg beer filosofia ranfren doctorwho
thank you for your kind words. i have more (less coherent) notes on a variety of books, i'm currently attempting to rationalize my workflow so i dont have to manually write out/format my writing into html. unfortunately i know nothing about computers and everything is broken. but remain vigilant!