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New diary entry again today. Hoping I can squeeze one more in after this so my final Spring post isn't depressing as hell. Alternate title: (long, drawn-out groan of frustration)
oh kiley... i hope that writing out your feelings brought you some catharsis. it's only natural to want relief from all the pain you've been in for so long. do you think you could forgive yourself for being in this rut if you acknowledged the fact that you've been beating yourself up *over & over* for YEARS? it's a habit at this point, ofc it's hard to stop! but with effort (which you're putting in, i know) and time
you'll be able to move forward into the happy future that's waiting for you. i wish i could say something profound that would make you finally see you are a good person, that your existence is valuable, that your efforts pay off, and that everyone deserves the chance to grow beyond who they were as a teenager, but i'm not sure the right words even exist. all i can do is commend you for trying as hard as you are,
and for holding onto hope even when things are so painful. i know that you can make it <3 you're already on your way. ...sorry for writing so much, heh;; your entry really moved me, is all. i couldn't pass by without cheering you on
Aww Kiley, I'm sending you my love! It's so hard getting trapped in these cycles where you ruminate over and over again, because it easily snowball into something out of your control. We can punish ourselves in ways that we would never want to see our loved ones do... which, easier said than done, is something I try to remind myself. You're worthy enough to cherish yourself as you do with others!
Anxiety, or that dark voice inside, really seeks to destroy the things the things we care about the most. You trying your best to resist it shows your hard work and growth in the present. Ahhh I don't wanna ramble or overstep too much, but please take care!! β‘β‘ ; __ ;
I hope I'm not out of line here socially since I'm just a NeoCities mutual, but you aren't your past. You don't "deserve" anything based on mistakes you made as a teenager. Shame isn't useful when you're just bullying yourself in your head over and over again. You don't have to prove your worth to the world; you have it inherently as a human being. I hope you can see yourself the way others see you one day β‘
@flonne i truly, truly appreciate your kind words. i'm at a loss for words from your kindness, and i hope that at the very least my reply can assure you i appreciate them deeply ;__;
@sarah don't worry, you didn't overstep at all! ;__; i'll do my best to keep pushing forward, i really do appreciate what you've said hereβ i'd never want to see my loved ones treat themselves the way i treat myself. i hope that i can take that on board a lot more in these coming months. thank you, truly
@amy, don't worry, i don't consider it overstepping. i really do appreciate what you've said here, and i want to take it to heart as much as i can. like flonne said, it's a habit that's gonna take a lot to break since i've been pushing this mindset for many years now... thank you very, very much for reaching out to me and saying this, i appreciate it a ton ;__;
@kiley of course, and glad to hear that! β‘ Your diary entry was timely for me in the since that just last week I was dwelling on my behavior as a teen as well... affirmations like "I did my best with the knowledge" I had are useful for me, so maybe they'll help as you well! You deserve peace of mind! β‘β‘
I can't find an official statement about it anywhere, all the stuff I can find is what others have said and the fact that I'm pretty sure it's on the list of things the supporter tier gives now. if you could send me an official source on it I'd be grateful!
still, this feels really scummy, and I really hope it gets pushed back somehow.
sorry, i can't find an official source on it either :/ you could try reaching out to the creator of neocities, kyle drake, for a statement as it seems he's pretty responsive? other than that though, i do host some audio files on catbox.moe and i've never run into any issues with it, so filegarden definitely has a chance of working out. i'm also able to use imood, i have no idea why that works but status.cafe doesn't
the whole stricter restrictions on new accounts thing does feel really unfair, i understand the need for it and i support it to a degree but i think it could've been implemented so much better, especially in a way that doesn't alienate part of the userbase. my hope is that they introduce some kind of verification system or even a one time payment so new users can permanently get the same permissions as older users :T
im pretty sure the restrictions only apply to fetching and scripts! if you're just sourcing images it should all work fine. see https://content-security-policy.neocities.org/
Thank you so much! Your site is such a joy to look at can't wait to explore some more :)
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a lot of my friends call me "aub" but my partner (who wasn't my partner at the time) calls me "aubs" and i dont know why i like it a lot more but i really do. i think its because the only other people who have called me that in my life were my parents. so it feels so much more intimate. makes talking to my partner feel more special & significant. intimacy in small moments!
that's so sweet, i love it so much. i totally get that feeling. i would call my recent ex (doesn't feel like the right term but oh well) has instead of hasmik and like. none of her other friends would call her that. literally me n her mom LMAO. but anyway, it felt so cloe & intimate & beautiful. i love that feeling so much
my actual 1st name isnt very nicknameable but ive had people (mostly on discord) call me a lot of permutations of sneek its cute. some1 i had a crush on in '21 (but fell out with in the end Lol) had a bit of a funny monopoly on that but i got other permutations that some others would have as their go-to for me at whatever point so 2 speak... snake, sne, sneebus, keens, Ε‘nek etc. (but my fav gotta be sneebert)
but theres been So many others lol, see https://sneekrealm.neocities.org/pics/notebook/nicknames.png (but i still get called sneek the most online i guess)
oh my god yes i love it. i feel it though, the name i go by a bit more irl (dominic) is like... nicknameable, but in a sort of boring way. like getting called dom is.... whatever. cutest nickname i've gotten from it is domi by my abuelo. also the sneek nicknames r impeccable i love them
my friends call me my nickname so much they forget my full name hahah. another friend often calls me a vegetable which name is close to mine. last year a lot of my teachers called me by my nickname aswell. my parents sometimes give me another nickname and its super sweet but in my dialect it also means "ass" which is weird and funny!! nicknames are so silly man
my irl name is hard to nickname but my fiance calls me moon or peach :)
to this day i still go by the very first nickname (jp) given to me by one of my elementary teachers! lol
you guys get me so much i love these. thank u for sharing π naming as intimacy !!!
my name (or, one of them, anyways, iz) is a nickname given to me by my parents & used by a bunch of my friends. i realized i felt really at home w it in a way i didn't feel w my full name. and then my username on p much everything is a nicknamed extension of that name by my older sibling