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denpatenshi
2 years ago
i think we approach writing in different directions, and with that, there's something i can learn from you and your approach. i used to never be satisfied in expressing myself, i've always felt the need to turn it into something poetic, weave something out of it, like you said. and i think there's a power in expressing it in metaphors and allusions, exploring the full extent of how you feel and how it affects you.
denpatenshi
2 years ago
but sometimes, i find a form of catharsis in just plainly saying that "i am sad" too. the example you shared is something i felt almost constantly when i was younger, feeling simultaneously unimportant and too important at the same time. i think eventually, it comes to a point where no amount of descriptors can describe that piercing agony. there's value in both, and it ties into emotional honesty and vulnerability.
denpatenshi
2 years ago
i think this ended up devolving into a ramble ten minutes in- but, i enjoyed your entry, i enjoy your blog, and i'm looking forward to seeing more of your site!
alicebluef0f8ff
2 years ago
Thank you so much for your kind words <333. I also think i can learn from your approach to writing too :) . I definitely get caught up in the details & the language a lot of the time, and sometimes miss the underlying emotion (shoutout english not being my first language).
alicebluef0f8ff
2 years ago
I think neither ways of writing are any worse than the other, and they're both important in their own ways. In fact, there is nothing more refreshing seeing someone saying how they feel outright sometimes, especially when you're in that same mood. I've read books that are written like masterpieces, each line expertly crafted & each chapter a revelation. But it completely falls flat compared to feeling seen by another
alicebluef0f8ff
2 years ago
a blogpost about the same condition you have. All words have their place, and their time. I also look forward to seeing more of your site :)
alicebluef0f8ff
2 years ago
(also i really liked your muse post! the part about being your own voyeur ever since childhood... i'm glad you put it to words cause it really resonated with me.)
denpatenshi
2 years ago
it feels almost religious, in the way one is humbled before divinity, fearful and yet brave enough to do so anyway. it's really hard to write, especially when you feel like what you have to say or how you have to say it isn't good enough. but i, for one, am looking forward to more of your magical writing. ☺
swiftred
2 years ago
Oh my, I feel overwhelmed! This made my whole week. I squealed with joy as I read it. It means the absolute world to me that you took the time to say what you said. To have my writing be described as magical, theatrical, and almost religious? What a gift you've given me. I'm glad my writing was evocative of something. Thank you thank you thank you!!
denpatenshi
2 years ago
a quote i really resonated with was this: "one yearns for a new kind of pain, new kinds of ambiguities, that force the mind to confront other possibilities." sometimes, other people succintly put into words an idea you had no clue on how to capture. i really enjoyed your insight- and your commentary on mou tun-fei intrigues me. i never really thought about creation through abstract theory, but it sounds magical.
denpatenshi
2 years ago
creation on the foundation of interpretation and original thought- i think it ties everything together well. writing as a conduit for understanding the workings of one's mind and ideas. thank you for sharing. i feel seen through you. ♥ can't wait to see your response next week!
saddleblasters
2 years ago
Thank you so much for reading! When I wrote that yesterday, I had just finished Kazushi Hosaka's "Plainsong", which has character he mentions that as a kid he wanted to be a novelist, but that he gave up on it to become a filmmaker because writing always has to be about something, whereas when making a film you can just turn the camera on when talking to friends and let it captures what it captures.
saddleblasters
2 years ago
The paradox was that Hosaka's novel somehow also manages to feel like a camera dropped into the lives of its characters, capturing glances at their daily routines and snippets of their conversations without making it about anything. Seeing him so successful at it makes me wish I could be a camera — some kind of psychological camera, that captures more than just light, that somehow meditates without judging.
saddleblasters
2 years ago
I read your response as well, and you mention that your writing has shifted from fantasies about other lives to more directly confronting reality. But I don’t think there needs to be a conflict between the two. I think that in recording and contemplating our reality, we can still meditate on our fantasies and why they exist inside of us. The contrast between fantasy and reality can allow us to look at both closer.
saddleblasters
2 years ago
This is one of those things that we could both spend thousands of words writing about, so I’ll leave at that for now. Anyways, it just passed midnight here. I’m not sure what time zone you’re in, but happy new year!
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a fellow academic writer! academic and creative writing are so different, aren't they... it's so difficult to juggle between those two tones, and i'm glad that you're giving yourself a space to be free when you write. you're right- time really does make everything fine. maybe time will make you feel more confident in sharing your stories with the world. ☺
i Totally understand the feeling of hating what you write. was putting up a few writing pages and physically cringed at my 2022 pieces.. it's hard, but disliking what we write is often part of the process. wishing you the ability to see what you want to improve & feel proud of yourself instead of upset you aren't perfect :]