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omg i completely agree. fuck doulingo. their ads make me so annoyed.

yardwork is the exact reason why i've been living in flats for most of my life. if grass is present, it is dealt with by SOMEONE ELSE.

Extremely real. I kinda got roped into doing it, lol, with the caveat I can’t with 70°F+ temps. Were it up to me, I’d be okay living my whole life without a yard.

Not an insightful comment, but cat!!!!!!!

whats the duolingo ai usage??? but yeah i dont like duolingo, its trying way too hard to be cool buyt then it's just Lame. it doesn't terach people important skills and tricks them into thinking they're learning. and then people treat it as some kind of "definitive learning tool" despite how much the true learning communities say it's bad. ahhhhhh

very common sign of "But funny corporation haha!!!!!!" ahhh i hate it so much. also the streak thing reeks of Addiction Culture where youre like "b-bububut what about my INSTAGRAM REELS???"

@miela583 cat!! 💜💜 the sweetest cat there ever was, even …

deleted my duol*ngo account the other week... >:-)

i first joined duolingo like 8 years ago when it was new and still p fun. i've cancelled all paying subscriptions to them now in favour of Busuu, where i've learned better in 2 years than the other 8... currently, for my brain, i'm trying to get to a certain streak, then i'm going to delete it.

I think it'd be kind of funny to have a page full of conversations and quotes I eavesdropped on. Some people say the strangest things lol 😭

Love 58. Lately I've been making "bad decisions" (small things) on purpose just to try to familiarize myself with healthy ways of coping in those moments. I used to panic more, usually now I'm able to tell myself it will all work out in the end. Also, I'd love to see an eavesdropping/quotes page.

had a conversation about this today (lol), there are very few decisions you can make that will actually ruin your life forever, being stuck in decision paralysis and not doing anything as a result is usually worse for you than any mistake you can feasibly make (lotta modifiers needed to make sure nobody reads this and decides to rob a bank)(normal fear)

basically all of my friends seem to be struggling with this - even me to an extent - we just sit around Not Doing Anything, because we forgot, and then it's too late so we hope someone else will fix it for us. instead of owning up and actually fixing it ourselves huhuhghgahghhg. running away

Re: 59. I hate how people want you to turn your favourite things into a side hustle. It was so hard unlearning that (i'm still having trouble with it) and just creating things for the sake of creation. I refuse to sacrifice my passions on the altar of capitalism!

re:59 the thing about running a small business is that while it can be very fulfilling to work for yourself it generally becomes more of a full-time job than a regular full-time job would be, also yeah sometimes you just straight up don't want to, there's no getting around it work is work no matter what

"five year plan??" wait what actually is that?? is that a thing?? also yeah i hate the "you should sell your art" thing. it's annoying because it's implying i think it's morally okay to sell art. at this point i don't think it is - because art is inherintly part of speech/communication. it's like trying to sell an emotion or a word. you shouldn't do this

@niicespiice, re: "five year plan," or rather, I'm asked, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" and I'm like, "I dunno???? I don't even know where I see myself tomorrow!!"

"brother idk where I see myself in 5 hours are you srs rn"

DO MOST PEOPLE KNOW WHERE THEY SEE THEMSELVES IN 5 YEARS???? I DONT THINK THEY DO??? RIGHT????

the autistic urge to fret about misrepresenting myself 🧍‍♂️ Feeling profoundly ineloquent and agitated today

i'm not transmasc but i feel like finding my spot in the furry fandom (lol) was actually one of the best things that i've done for my gender tbh. the amount of under-represented trans bodies i've seen drawn by some furry artists is actually so amazing. and i'm sure it's the same for some non-furry artists out there too.

on another note, personally, when i see an older trans person, it actually makes me happier than anything else. something about seeing a trans person just survive and love life is so nice and they always seem so happy in their bodies (whether that be with the aged or trans parts)

@transferns omg, I forgot to even mention/consider trans representation in art! Do you care if I screencap your first comment and tack it on the end of the post?

not at all!! i'd love for you to!

Thank you so much 😊 I've added it in.

55 hits home like. sometimes when random people online are sexist, like saying "gg man" i feel affirmed, but then they say something like "or woman idk" and even though it's technically being more inclusive, i'll be damned if it doesn't feel like a stab in the chest 😭😭 random sexist stranger perks (???)

@niicespiice omg, "gg man" goes incredibly hard, very affirming for me personally

I love the fandom badges you have on your index!! Do you have a link to the original source?? 👀👀

oh, shoot, yes!! I accidentally removed the link. Here's a centralized place: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Q6LqU2nnnU60ARfc4NPdPbpCMIMl6WSDP_NWomr5OB4/edit?pli=1&gid=1004256205#gid=1004256205 For the fandoms it didn't already have, I had to use the custom button maker from the main website (https://idbuttons.neocities.org/)

@swiftred ahhh thank you for sharing, I'm definitely gonna add some to my blinkie/badge/etc collection page!! * __ *

also forgot to write this, but microblog #52 and #33 resonate a lot. thank you :)

@notesfromearth I really appreciate you telling me that, thank you <33

do you care if I link to 52 in my blog post or would you prefer no

@ocrevol totally cool with that :)

write in notes app on phone without any formatting and then go back and add it once your pc is chargable again. good luck!!

I’ll do that :) thanks!!

ok this is gonna seem like it's in response to this journal but it's not it's just a synchronicity I've been thinking about it all day. But I wanted to tell u that ur recent posts inspired me to start writing (and SHARING) fanfic again for the first time in I'm pretty sure more than a decade and I want to say THANK U for that :)))

also its genuinely wild to me how often I'll be having vague thoughts that I can't be bothered to sit down and externalise in a coherent manner and then within a day or so you'll drop a post that is those same thoughts. Mind blown on a weekly basis fr

my impression of you is that you are a very thoughtful/interesting/sincere/kind person + find your ability to rationally self-analyze very impressive

re: fanfiction, YAYYY!! I'm SO happy to hear that 😊 Talk about synchronicity, I only just started posting after a 9-10yr writing-block and once I got past the fear of starting, it's been such a gift. I hope the writing and sharing proves a good experience for you too. Thank you lots for telling me that.

And to be fair, I did read your entry yesterday where you discuss being percieved, but it didn't feel prudent to tag it. Thank you, too, for sharing your impression of me. I'm highly, highly grateful and appreciative :,3 thank you!! Forever plagued with the introspection bug, and I'm glad what I barf out is coherent 😁💜

I love your blog; here, at least, you seem very thoughtful and sincere, and not afraid to talk about some very personal stuff. Plus, your "noticing" page is truly lovely.

relatedly: occasionally when i spot someone saying something sweet about me on disc or whatnot i'll screenshot and save that ... something heartwarming about that type stuff

but also sometimes i lowkey forget in general my existence Actually Impacts people in whatever way so even positive reminders of it feel a little humbling (heartwarmingly) - but i guess this might also make it easier for me to brush off some ppl's negative views about Me Existing for what its worth? if that makes sense......

@miela583 this means more than you know, thank you :,)

@sneekrealm it absolutely makes sense, yes. I’ve been meaning to sort of archive the kind comments I’ve received here and try to remember to look at them and just let it sink in. I also often feel I don't make an impact even despite evidence otherwise, and for me, I sorta suffer from a lack of ‘Existence permanence,’ like, I assume I disappear from people’s minds

i love your blog posts and your noticing page. they always have something new for me to think about that i never would have come up with myself. your noticing page has made me more aware of my own surroundings (i "notice" more now). i don't always reply because my brain can't usually give me the right words, but i think about you and your site often.

in terms of the "not knowing how to communicate to someone in a normal way" my opinion is like. why does it matter to you if it's the normal way or not (also i swear i tried to post this before but it got deleted, or maybe my wifi just died idk)

I read "normal" in this context as "socially acceptable + therefore unlikely to be misread and accidentally offend/repulse"

I’m struggling to pinpoint what you’re referring to specifically @niicespiice, but yes, what @ocrevol said, like, fuck being normal but also, I still worry about social alienation and repulsion because I am really affected by that. It’s hard to fully unmask, though I continue to try.