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New diary entry again today. Hoping I can squeeze one more in after this so my final Spring post isn't depressing as hell. Alternate title: (long, drawn-out groan of frustration)
oh kiley... i hope that writing out your feelings brought you some catharsis. it's only natural to want relief from all the pain you've been in for so long. do you think you could forgive yourself for being in this rut if you acknowledged the fact that you've been beating yourself up *over & over* for YEARS? it's a habit at this point, ofc it's hard to stop! but with effort (which you're putting in, i know) and time
you'll be able to move forward into the happy future that's waiting for you. i wish i could say something profound that would make you finally see you are a good person, that your existence is valuable, that your efforts pay off, and that everyone deserves the chance to grow beyond who they were as a teenager, but i'm not sure the right words even exist. all i can do is commend you for trying as hard as you are,
and for holding onto hope even when things are so painful. i know that you can make it <3 you're already on your way. ...sorry for writing so much, heh;; your entry really moved me, is all. i couldn't pass by without cheering you on
Aww Kiley, I'm sending you my love! It's so hard getting trapped in these cycles where you ruminate over and over again, because it easily snowball into something out of your control. We can punish ourselves in ways that we would never want to see our loved ones do... which, easier said than done, is something I try to remind myself. You're worthy enough to cherish yourself as you do with others!
Anxiety, or that dark voice inside, really seeks to destroy the things the things we care about the most. You trying your best to resist it shows your hard work and growth in the present. Ahhh I don't wanna ramble or overstep too much, but please take care!! ♡♡ ; __ ;
I hope I'm not out of line here socially since I'm just a NeoCities mutual, but you aren't your past. You don't "deserve" anything based on mistakes you made as a teenager. Shame isn't useful when you're just bullying yourself in your head over and over again. You don't have to prove your worth to the world; you have it inherently as a human being. I hope you can see yourself the way others see you one day ♡
@flonne i truly, truly appreciate your kind words. i'm at a loss for words from your kindness, and i hope that at the very least my reply can assure you i appreciate them deeply ;__;
@sarah don't worry, you didn't overstep at all! ;__; i'll do my best to keep pushing forward, i really do appreciate what you've said here– i'd never want to see my loved ones treat themselves the way i treat myself. i hope that i can take that on board a lot more in these coming months. thank you, truly
@amy, don't worry, i don't consider it overstepping. i really do appreciate what you've said here, and i want to take it to heart as much as i can. like flonne said, it's a habit that's gonna take a lot to break since i've been pushing this mindset for many years now... thank you very, very much for reaching out to me and saying this, i appreciate it a ton ;__;
@kiley of course, and glad to hear that! ♡ Your diary entry was timely for me in the since that just last week I was dwelling on my behavior as a teen as well... affirmations like "I did my best with the knowledge" I had are useful for me, so maybe they'll help as you well! You deserve peace of mind! ♡♡
https://angeleyesprings.neocities.org/bokuPuri#fan <-- scanned some traditional art in, let's see if I can figure out how to make a art gallary page in the future. @~@;; Want to keep practicing and scanning in some drawings though!
Ohhhh my god YESSS Pas De Deux looks adorable there!! The sheen on the cape looks so delicate, you blended the colours perfectly. I cant wait to see more art from you. The stuff you already have up is so charming ♡ I use Fancybox for my art galleries, it's pretty robust and easy to use. If you decide to try it, I can help you troubleshoot https://fancyapps.com/fancybox/
Amazing write up and art work. I just realized the wonderful gradient effect for the boxes. It matches the logo colors. Such attention to detail. omg pray for an anime adaptation to grow the fandom for this.
@vivarism, thank you so much!! That means a lot to me since your art inspires me, both art style-wise and passion-wise. The fancybox link look very nice as well, thank you for sharing! I might use that or a similar JS code for an overall gallery while using a flexbox grid for specific fanart dumps... I want to keep practicing color blends as well, so your comment makes me happy! Thanks!
@snowibunni Pray indeed! There was already a sequel spinoff last year with PreCure characters as 26-year-old women with jobs, anything can happen! And thank you for noticing the gradients! I love using image colors for characters, it's such a charming concept! I still have a lot to scan and write up... I aspire to make my shrines as detail as your Wink and R+ writings!
This is for sharing on Tumblr whenever someone asks about my OCs lmao. I don't feel like adding a link to it on the homepage lol
I am suddenly reminded I made a neocities to make my own character archive and still haven't done it WOOPS- This looks cool though The colours scratch my brain right. Leaf Ahlgren has my heart
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Wow! That's totally cool. DERE EVIL is a sort of a niche game so it's always amazing to meet people online who happened to have played the game. There's another game coming out in less than two months and there will be more to come soon! Thanks for playing!