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swiftred
7 months ago
the autistic urge to fret about misrepresenting myself 🧍♂️ Feeling profoundly ineloquent and agitated today
transferns
7 months ago
i'm not transmasc but i feel like finding my spot in the furry fandom (lol) was actually one of the best things that i've done for my gender tbh. the amount of under-represented trans bodies i've seen drawn by some furry artists is actually so amazing. and i'm sure it's the same for some non-furry artists out there too.
transferns
7 months ago
on another note, personally, when i see an older trans person, it actually makes me happier than anything else. something about seeing a trans person just survive and love life is so nice and they always seem so happy in their bodies (whether that be with the aged or trans parts)
swiftred
7 months ago
@transferns omg, I forgot to even mention/consider trans representation in art! Do you care if I screencap your first comment and tack it on the end of the post?
niicespiice
7 months ago
55 hits home like. sometimes when random people online are sexist, like saying "gg man" i feel affirmed, but then they say something like "or woman idk" and even though it's technically being more inclusive, i'll be damned if it doesn't feel like a stab in the chest 😭😭 random sexist stranger perks (???)
swiftred
7 months ago
@niicespiice omg, "gg man" goes incredibly hard, very affirming for me personally
inkcaps
8 months ago
I love the fandom badges you have on your index!! Do you have a link to the original source?? 👀👀
swiftred
8 months ago
oh, shoot, yes!! I accidentally removed the link. Here's a centralized place: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Q6LqU2nnnU60ARfc4NPdPbpCMIMl6WSDP_NWomr5OB4/edit?pli=1&gid=1004256205#gid=1004256205 For the fandoms it didn't already have, I had to use the custom button maker from the main website (https://idbuttons.neocities.org/)
inkcaps
8 months ago
@swiftred ahhh thank you for sharing, I'm definitely gonna add some to my blinkie/badge/etc collection page!! * __ *
notesfromearth
8 months ago
also forgot to write this, but microblog #52 and #33 resonate a lot. thank you :)
lakestheguy
8 months ago
@badgraph1csghost yepp i mean i should have seen this coming, since anything relating to streaming services sells out. but man i used to love using justwatch to find free streaming services
badgraph1csghost
7 months ago
gotta love how i can learn about an awesome tool and find out they got bought out by a huge corporation in the same blog entry these days -__-
oceanaura
8 months ago
I've also loved some of the elements of frutiger aero before I discovered the term last year - do you know Aesthethy on yt?
oceanaura
8 months ago
yes, their frutiger aero analysis video was where I learned the term from - they have some really good videos
niicespiice
8 months ago
write in notes app on phone without any formatting and then go back and add it once your pc is chargable again. good luck!!
ocrevol
8 months ago
ok this is gonna seem like it's in response to this journal but it's not it's just a synchronicity I've been thinking about it all day. But I wanted to tell u that ur recent posts inspired me to start writing (and SHARING) fanfic again for the first time in I'm pretty sure more than a decade and I want to say THANK U for that :)))
ocrevol
8 months ago
also its genuinely wild to me how often I'll be having vague thoughts that I can't be bothered to sit down and externalise in a coherent manner and then within a day or so you'll drop a post that is those same thoughts. Mind blown on a weekly basis fr
ocrevol
8 months ago
my impression of you is that you are a very thoughtful/interesting/sincere/kind person + find your ability to rationally self-analyze very impressive
swiftred
8 months ago
re: fanfiction, YAYYY!! I'm SO happy to hear that 😊 Talk about synchronicity, I only just started posting after a 9-10yr writing-block and once I got past the fear of starting, it's been such a gift. I hope the writing and sharing proves a good experience for you too. Thank you lots for telling me that.
swiftred
8 months ago
And to be fair, I did read your entry yesterday where you discuss being percieved, but it didn't feel prudent to tag it. Thank you, too, for sharing your impression of me. I'm highly, highly grateful and appreciative :,3 thank you!! Forever plagued with the introspection bug, and I'm glad what I barf out is coherent 😁💜
miela583
8 months ago
I love your blog; here, at least, you seem very thoughtful and sincere, and not afraid to talk about some very personal stuff. Plus, your "noticing" page is truly lovely.
sneekrealm
8 months ago
relatedly: occasionally when i spot someone saying something sweet about me on disc or whatnot i'll screenshot and save that ... something heartwarming about that type stuff
sneekrealm
8 months ago
but also sometimes i lowkey forget in general my existence Actually Impacts people in whatever way so even positive reminders of it feel a little humbling (heartwarmingly) - but i guess this might also make it easier for me to brush off some ppl's negative views about Me Existing for what its worth? if that makes sense......
swiftred
8 months ago
@sneekrealm it absolutely makes sense, yes. I’ve been meaning to sort of archive the kind comments I’ve received here and try to remember to look at them and just let it sink in. I also often feel I don't make an impact even despite evidence otherwise, and for me, I sorta suffer from a lack of ‘Existence permanence,’ like, I assume I disappear from people’s minds
badgraph1csghost
8 months ago
i love your blog posts and your noticing page. they always have something new for me to think about that i never would have come up with myself. your noticing page has made me more aware of my own surroundings (i "notice" more now). i don't always reply because my brain can't usually give me the right words, but i think about you and your site often.
niicespiice
8 months ago
in terms of the "not knowing how to communicate to someone in a normal way" my opinion is like. why does it matter to you if it's the normal way or not (also i swear i tried to post this before but it got deleted, or maybe my wifi just died idk)
ocrevol
8 months ago
I read "normal" in this context as "socially acceptable + therefore unlikely to be misread and accidentally offend/repulse"
swiftred
8 months ago
I’m struggling to pinpoint what you’re referring to specifically @niicespiice, but yes, what @ocrevol said, like, fuck being normal but also, I still worry about social alienation and repulsion because I am really affected by that. It’s hard to fully unmask, though I continue to try.
niicespiice
8 months ago
very relatable about the "i COULD rest but i don't want to" thing. like people say stuff like "take a break when you want." i hate that, they don't understand at all. because if i let myself at the very least have excuses like that, i'll never do anything. i'd rather work until i'm drained and forcibly must rest, that's probably the best option
swiftred
8 months ago
Lol, yes same 😭😭. I also hate when people tell me to take a break. If I took a break whenever I was tired, it’d be 90% breaks 😐
niicespiice
8 months ago
i think it's a very "not mentally ill" take to have? because they don't understand mentally ill people they assume we're exactly like them, even though our tolerance is FAR FAR lower. so because of that they go "take a break when you want" and it's like. yeah. i do that and i get called "lazy" or "wasting my life" so what do you guys want 😭
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Speaking of your microblog, I thought your post, “Villains & Gratefulness,” was powerful and well-written (and illustrated). 👏 I look forward to further exploring your cool website! 👍
Thank you for the kind messages and the follow. It’s very, very meaningful to me! I look forward to exploring your cool 😎 website as well.