Neocities

axayacatl

9 months ago

sorry autistic people no april fools joke i couldnt think of one

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axayacatl updated axayacatl

9 months ago

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axayacatl

diary/2025/033025.html

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axayacatl 9 months ago

me bc i have no soul ---> x_X

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

"I have met people who claimed to be satanists, who claimed to be involved in black magick, who claimed that they not only knew a lot about it...but as I said, I've certainly been involved, and I warn all of you, never, never, never. You will not only lose your mind, you will lose your soul."

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

In that quote, he mentions "satanism" and "black magick" specifically, not simply things which are "occult". I think many get involved in "satanism"/"black magick" without really understanding what all that means; they think that they are simply rebelling against an unjust "god", a corrupt and hypocritical "church", etc.

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

However, at its root is pride. Whatever "pleasure" or "power" that can be derived from selfish hedonism is not only temporary, it comes at an incredibly high cost to both oneself and everyone else. To impose one's will through manipulation and/or violence *does* eventually lead to insanity...

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

...and a loss of the qualities that make one human (i.e.: compassion, consideration, and so on). Hence, tyrants are said to be "mad with power" and have "dark triad" characteristics. The promise to be able to "rule in hell" is one's total enslavement under the illusion of "complete freedom".

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

People do not know what they are worshipping or why, and therefore, are easily misled to their own destruction. The labels matter little. What matters most is if one sincerely turns away from harming themselves and others, for in doing so, they turn towards Life.

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axayacatl 9 months ago

i don't really have an issue with hedonism i think we kind of obscure it when pleasure motivates all desire. i think it's important to mention i don't worship entities, it's a different experience for me. it sounds strange but i don't mind this outcome or this feeling, i am free in the sense i see past various illusions that held me in dangerous cycles, but i'm still not a person of right hand idealogy.

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axayacatl 9 months ago

i truly think there is no essentially "right" way to live. i am someone who is enamored with chaos in a paradoxically peaceful way. i could also be described as someone "morally grey" even though what is black and white is subjective to place and time. i've written about who satan is to me, and how i'm not a satanist, but i know satanists who have different experiences with him.

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axayacatl 9 months ago

all that to say is my black magic experience and relationship with my darker characteristics may be a little different than yours. i still respect your perspective, but i think it's important to note not everyone goes into dark arts for the intention of harm but for a better understanding of a universal darkness that may be too heavy for most to handle

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axayacatl 9 months ago

with the end goal of the understanding being able to come to terms and live peacefully alongside one's shadows instead of eradicating them completely

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

Interesting! I agree that distinguishing between "right" and "wrong" is not a static process nor a simple matter of "black and white". [An aside: I have found some amusement in the symbolism of a "left-hand" and a "right-hand" path as I am ambidextrous. I feel similarly about the notion of a "political compass".] Broad labels often lack important nuance and degrade into assumptions.

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

For example, to blame someone and thereby make them into a "scapegoat" is both a repression of one's own shadow and a projection of it upon another. To then say that they "deserve punishment" and that oneself is "worthy of reward" is the greatest of ironies. Each contributes *something* to every situation, even by deciding not to engage, for choosing to act in a particular way is to become open to receiving the same.

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

Integration of our own shadow brings humility because we realize that we have weaknesses, have made mistakes, and so on. Likewise, compassion leads to ever greater amounts of inclusivity as we recognize ourselves in others. But there are also hard limits when it comes to people's agency. Ultimately, we can only be self-responsible and live by example. Yet, genuinely trying to add to another's quality of life in...

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

...constructive ways is to be enriched ourselves. Indeed, to truly face the shadow of the collective unconscious can be overwhelming sometimes. If we do it enough, we will either be destroyed by it ("martyrdom") or learn healthy boundaries from a fuller awareness of the impacts that our decisions can have on one another. So, while perceptions are relative, there are underlying moral absolutes that are inescapable.

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

However, they cannot be reduced to a set of rules that can be blindly followed, nor can they be imposed upon others. "Karma" is "non-linear"; motivations and context are also important considerations. Likewise, what a person finds "pleasurable" can be a matter of habit rather than a full understanding of consequence, and not necessarily an indicator of what "should" or "should not" be done. A couple of examples:

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

...I talk too much. 😂 The comment cap ended it on a cliffhanger. Maybe that is a sign to stop there...Anyhoo, thank you for sharing!

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axayacatl

9 months ago

i made a webpage that lets you use your monitor as a lightbox for drawing. you can check it out xxxtras > lightbox ! im in the middle of making it cuter as i post this lol

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axayacatl

9 months ago

i b fucking with bananas

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dragontalez 9 months ago

yo bananas are the shit

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axayacatl updated axayacatl

9 months ago

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axayacatl

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axayacatl updated axayacatl

9 months ago

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axayacatl

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axayacatl 9 months ago

sobriety and self forgiveness

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axayacatl

9 months ago

my least favorite take in the arts is criticizing a work for being "edgy shock factor with no substance" imagine going up to a drawing of a smiling flower and saying "mindless toxic positivity dribble". this has always bothered me its so hypocritical

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axayacatl 9 months ago

how are people even defining substance? are things that do not illicit positive feelings void of substance? i feel that motivates the arts to be a form of consumption instead of experience

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

*hides doodle of smiling flowers on art page*...I joke, but the implied quaternary there is interesting: 1. All shock, no substance 2. Toxic positive, no substance 3. Tragic, but meaningful 4. Hopeful, but deep...Rarely is anything so rigidly defined though. 1 and 3 can overlap, 2 and 4 can overlap, and opinions differ depending on who you ask. Lol

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

And therein lies the distinction: Opinions often differ from experience. A piece could be deeply meaningful to the "artist", but mean absolutely nothing to a "critic", or maybe even elicit a repulsion in them. One's feelings about a piece can also change as they hear an "artist" explain their work, or when they learn more about the "artist" themselves.

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

All personal perceptions and preferences, especially in someting as interpretive as "art". The nuances make things interesting don't they? :D

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axayacatl 9 months ago

it does and i think about a lot how the audience is part of the experience of art in the micro and macro even the internet as the audience changes how we interpret a piece. i'd go as far to say other external elements including price change interpretation. i think there is something to be said about embracing all elements of the experience outside of black and white, and even accepting (cont.)

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axayacatl 9 months ago

our morals and feelings of disgust and misery as part of this "substance" that is sought after. art is powerful because it summons and invokes things. i think people tend to rob themselves of the "substance" they seek by seeing themselves as separate from it

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

Indeed. We could say the same about the relationship between judgment and compassion in general. Condemnation makes one indifferent to another's suffering and simultaneously becomes a repression of one's own.

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axayacatl

9 months ago

sometimes i post sketches on bluesky that i don't post here either right away or at all, my blsky domain is the same as my neocities if youre interested ⛧_< link is also in my about page

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axayacatl

9 months ago

if ur interested in a 20 dollar character sketch commission hmu through my email ! need the $ so i can get my guitar out of the shop for neck repairs

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axayacatl 9 months ago

my zine "the resin" is also still available on itch.io for 5 smeckles

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axayacatl updated axayacatl

9 months ago

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axayacatl

diary.html

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axayacatl 9 months ago

my self care routines

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

Careful reflection upon virtue brings Self-awareness, and each moment presents an opportunity to act from that constructiveness. Thus, life itself becomes a meditation...heh, I sound like a fortune cookie.

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

Personally, "a fool focuses on what he lacks, while the wise accomplish much with little," is a lesson that I continue to learn. I do not want to squander or take for granted even the seemingly smallest of treasures, like time.

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

...Anyhoo, thank you for sharing your thoughts and routines! Helpful stuff.

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axayacatl 9 months ago

@letslearntogether i agree on your take! i think a reflective life is the core of mindfulness. i think it's good to fully saturate yourself in the present by falling into the mind and body, meditation helps me open up neural pathways that make that easier on a day to day

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axayacatl mental-labour

9 months ago

can u recommend me a book to read tht u think i'd enjoy

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mental-labour 9 months ago

i'd have to see what books you like first lol

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axayacatl 9 months ago

i want to read something that feels like i am living in a medieval plague either literally or esoterically

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mental-labour 9 months ago

Hard to Be a God but you might actually like the film more

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sleepydawgs 9 months ago

@mental-labour that movie is insane

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

Haha! Mission accomplished. That is the most accurate recommendation I've ever seen.

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axayacatl

9 months ago

im rlly pleased with my progress in traditional art after a year it's making me want to keep going

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axayacatl

9 months ago

i am looking at you thru ur webcam. u look nice today. i've posted a new drawing

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axayacatl 9 months ago

+ took down the last one it was just too personal

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axayacatl updated axayacatl

9 months ago

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axayacatl

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axayacatl

9 months ago

hehehehe hahaha haha!! teeheehee

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mental-labour 9 months ago

real

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labyrinth-limbo 9 months ago

heard

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axayacatl

9 months ago

blue period is my favorite ongoing manga rn it really pushes me to go against the odds

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axayacatl updated axayacatl

9 months ago

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axayacatl

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

On blog of the 23rd: Fantastic insight about apologizing in public! Any action that is performative, done simply to be seen, often seems to lack sincerity doesn't it.

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

Is it because, rather than true reconciliation, it seeks to inflate one's own ego through other's pity or praise? While intentions should not be assumed, they can often be felt, for intentions influence the quality of the actions extending from them.

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

I strongly agree that forgiveness can be freeing for both the giver and receiver when they are genuine. However, I also think that it is important to be able to let go when one feels like they are "owed" an apology, to "close the loop" as you so eloquently put it.

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

While I desire to give mercy for its own sake, I also do not want to be taken advantage of. Finding that balance has been tricky...and misplaced trust can literally be dangerous or deadly.

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

On blog of the 24th: While much lies outside of our control, there is incredible power in every choice that we make. What is the vision that you have for your own life and what constructive steps are you taking to get there?

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

Sometimes rejection can be a blessing in that it keeps us from situations where we will not be genuinely appreciated. Inversely, being lusted after is to be objectified, not actually cared for. Both situations feel like garbage.

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

You are strong, discerning, aware...not to mention, your art is cool. Your miracle(s) will come. Be steadfast in those constructive ways.

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axayacatl 9 months ago

@letslearntogether thank u for ur feedback i can tell a lot of thought went into it. on being objectified the pressure cooker feeling it leaves in the air keeps me independent. it leaves me feeling thankful for my talents in a way i never have as there is this sudden need to constantly humanize myself for no reason other than my own sanity

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

Not so much feedback as it is dialogue. I enjoy what you write and I try to show everyone care whenever I am aware enough to do so...Sis, you will never be anything less than human. Likewise, all human beings deserve dignity, so you have nothing to prove. To express gratitude for one's skills and to carefully hone them in order to help everyone in addition to oneself is always good though.

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letslearntogether 9 months ago

Also, you are already sane. We simply live within an insane society...But of course, I state this as a feral man-beast living out in the wilderness at the edge of the city. Society is filled with that "pressure cooker" feeling in various guises. I had to get away from it, even if it meant being homeless. Yet my love of humanity kept me engaged so that I might help to transform it in some small measure.

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axayacatl

9 months ago

i went on an apology tour and wrote about it in my latest diary entry, lmk what u think if u read it

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