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badgraph1csghost
4 months ago
i understand completely about being left behind. occasionally i see someone i used to go to high school with around town, being a functional human being, while i'm just... doing whatever the hell it is i do. for that reason, i actually hate august.
niicespiice
4 months ago
you say you feel off path but i wonder in what way-- like if your life was "on path," what would that look like? (just a thought /srs, even though i often use that phrase as a joke) because i m yself often find myself thinking "this is wrong" without knowing what i think is right
swiftred
4 months ago
@niicespiice I'm mostly alluding to the "path" that everyone is told is "right." be cishet, fall in line, do high school > college > career start > marriage > house > kids etc. which is not even the path I want, but that means my path is undefined. I'm just kind of wandering right now, and I think the wandering itself feels wrong, personally and societally
slatch-bat
4 months ago
I understand this feeling completely honestly... as someone whos going to college and has career plans, it still feels like its not the "right path" . its compounded by physical and mental disability and just. life. i think it gets easier as you get older, maybe. My moms 47 and she seems much happier than she did even when she was 30, and she didnt pick the "right" path either. so maybe theres hope?
swiftred
4 months ago
I manually duplicate every time :) I'm not even sure how I'd go about automating/it's not something I've even thought about
skeltrr
4 months ago
I relate a lot to your blog post, it's crazy how listlessness and longing for change can make us think the most extreme things are a good idea. Wrestling those dangerous thoughts into submission is so exhausting, too, but I'm inspired by how deeply you think about it all. I hope you feel better soon, and that some positive change finds its way into your life that helps you forget what this chapter felt like.
aribluejeans
4 months ago
The background is the album cover for Phoebe Bridgers' album Punisher!! Thanks so much!
miela583
5 months ago
It's so weird to think some people don't have that "RIP, I'm gonna die" train of thought constantly!! Mine have included "tooth hurts a little," "toe mole" and "ate cherry tomato that was vaguely weird." It's not great, I guess, but your post sounds super, super normal here, too.
limovars
5 months ago
i can relate to referring to one's own experiences in an attempt to relate to other people. it's a very normal thing to do for all of us. and only becomes a problem if we don't take the time to listen and acknowledge before chiming in.
swiftred
5 months ago
@limovars yeah, this time it probably would've been fine. I've just seen some people be really turned off by it regardless of intent and prior listening/acknowledging, like they don't see how it's relevant
badgraph1csghost
5 months ago
well *that* sounds like the coolest thing ever! and your art is just ππ
swiftred
5 months ago
thank you so much!!! It is really cool!! I was thinking about it, and I realized, like, "Damn... more than anything, it's nice to engage in fandom (specifically) in such a pure way??" Enshittification or whatever case may be, it feels like a purer experience from an internet past
girl-wonderlost
5 months ago
thank you!!! big compliment coming from you, your fiber art work is so beautiful (sausage cat <3). the hat was super easy, it was 7 hexagons (made them like a granny square, but 6 clusters to start instead of 4, and i did 3 rows for each) with the sides stitched together, then i crocheted around the head hole part to make a border thing
swiftred
5 months ago
It's a New day. What else is there to say but announce the Links page has been revived!!! New buttons added and bringing back the descriptions. Most still need writing, and it will take a while. If you're a mutual and your button isn't there or something looks wrong, let me know. Thanks π
swiftred
5 months ago
@niicespiice hehe, I did!!! I wanted to link to your website. I hope you like it π I personally like how it turned out, though cobbled together quickly
limovars
5 months ago
hello, i checked your blog after you followed, it seems like we're fans of very similar personalities like matt bernstein, devon price, and ismatu gwendolyn. also understand the frustration at constantly centering the self in writing - i try to do that in private journals these days. also, reddit gave me the same type of anxiety and i highly recommend leaving it but to each their own.
limovars
5 months ago
i can relate to quite a bit of the stuff youve mentioned, and enjoy your writing - don't worry too much about it.
swiftred
5 months ago
@limovars Ah, thank you for taking the time to look through some of my stuff, and for leaving comments :) I look forward to more of your writings. And yes, Reddit is my current bad habit! I've gotten very sloppy about it, a shitty pacifier, to be honest. It would be good for me to quit or drastically scale back especially after I made all this commotion about quitting social media..
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thank you so much!!! :D