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" I was waiting for something extraordinary to happen but as the years wasted on ever did unless I caused it " Bukowski :)
thank you!! the same passion is very plain to see on your site as well! you are so talented and skilled ^_^ !! - j
added two new pieces to abstract gallery! https://manyface.neocities.org/abstractgallery - j
@erin and pj: thank you so much!!! i really appreciate your kindness :D art makes me very happy to make so i am glad you are happy to see it!! - j
@mako: funny you should say that bc a few of them are in an exhibition in my city's art gallery as part of a community project to have art by autistic artists in there!! also, i'm gonna be part of a photography exhibition that's opening on the 30th! also... thank you!!! that means a lot :D
added some mutual buttons to the links page and THIS to the resources page: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSoLHfnr5Gc it's not even a resource but it's the coolest shit ever - j
thank you!!! i love how passionate you are about your interests, and i think your art (especially the traditional stuff) is epic!! also you make such cute crochet stuff :00 !!! - j
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w.r.t. changing others, it's inevitable so may as well embrace it. Depending on how you influence others, they may enjoy the changes and thank you for it. Reading some of your essays contributed to writing again for some sanity, so thank you (´・ω・`) Weird how writing can be both an exercise in pointlessness but also the spark to change for the better
I think it's easier to influence people positively when we're just interacting over the internet. E.g. if you like my writing you can keep reading it, and if you dislike it (or just find an individual piece boring) it's easy to forget about it. But with real life relationships, the good often has to be taken with the bad, so I feel a little sad seeing my bad habits (i.e. anti-socialness) infect someone else
Writing is nice, because whenever I sit down to write (or to read something you or someone else wrote) anything can happen. There's always the potential to think new thoughts or to become a new person for a few moments, as long as we can stay out of depressive spirals.
I think in many ways, nostalgia is just a constant cycle. I used to think I felt nostalgic for a year or two ago, that I was happier then, till a week or two ago when I read my diary & thought things sounded "simpler" & "happier" only a few months ago, when that is not the case. I'm just as happy now as I was then, even if it's a lack of happiness. This is to say that I think nostalgia is largely illusory.
I make it a point to remind myself that the times I am living right now will eventually be nostalgic for me, and rather than nostalgia being a narrowing, burdensome thing that puts me into some sort of narrative, it’s instead cause for me to live as well as I can, right now. Hope your feelings ease up soon, maybe not happiness per se, but that your necessary sadnesses and miseries become easier to bear.