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new design >:) and some new content. it should be mobile friendly but lmk if anything seems fucked
most people are very self-centered, it's normal. i know what you mean by people are less interested in you than you are in them, but try not to let it get you down. you are definitely a memorable person lisa, you just have to build your self-confidence so that concern and worry over the thoughts of others doesn't bother you so much.
one thing i've learned is that one of the biggest ways to become miserable is to expect things of others, especially if you don't tell them so. when you don't receive the reaction you're looking for, often it has nothing to do with how you are (and you are not ruining anything or doing something wrong!) but the other person and their compatibility with you, among other things outside of your control. be at ease.
i also think that it can be a nice thing when you and another person are at a point in the relationship where you can keep each other company while saying nothing at all, especially because it's also normal to run out of things to talk about. don't believe the lie self-doubt your mind is trying to tell you, and have more faith in yourself. ♥
୨୧strawberryreverie thank you for your kind words and advice. i think i definitely have a long way to go when learning about social situations and what it means to have friends and learn and maintain relationships with others, so i really appreciate you taking time to comment and explain the concepts, it is so kind of you. i definitely need to tamper down the negative and self doubting voice and belief in my head 1/
୨୧strawberryreverie 2/ because i definitely notice that my perceptions make me act in accordance of the feelings of doom. you are so right about expectations, because how can someone fulfill an expectation if they are not aware of it. that is so true. i have a difficult time with being at ease, and just accepting things as they are. i really want to make that muscle skill strong and reflexive.
୨୧strawberryreverie 3/ the more i explore and learn about socializing and friendship skills, the better i will become, i definitely need more practice. there are a lot of things that are new to me, and that i don't understand, and thank you so much for explaining to me. i hope i can be more successful and positive going forward, and work on accepting and letting go of projections and fear.
restored some legacy pages, namely the rules for Buu Mahjong and the scans and translations of a yaku and scoring sheet from a beginner mahjong set
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copying is essentially a very slow kind of reading. back when the literary language was often very different from the spoken language, comprehension wasn't some immediate thing that could be taken for granted. even the surface grammatical meaning of a sentence might not be obvious. struggling with all of that leads not just to the thoughts the author intended, but all sorts of other alternate possibilities
the same thing happens when i read mathematics (esp. research papers). for close readings, you treat the written proofs as a "cookbook recipe" for reproducing the argument in your own brain. often there are steps that are unclear at first and which require deep thought, but in the course of trying to understand those, you learn other things the author perhaps didn't intend, or didn't find worth writing
e.g. many of the developments in algebraic geometry up to the 80s or so could essentially be characterized as ideas people had while reading EGA and SGA.
I guess what I'm trying to say is simply that reading is a much slower and more complicated process than we might give it credit for, so rote methods of learning like copying and memorizing are ways to trick ourselves into slowing. of course this only works when one is doing it willingly. when forced to memorize or copy by a teacher, many people manage to learn to do so without actually paying attention to the text
(sorry for writing so much -- in retrospect this probably should have been an email...)
Also, rereading these now, I realize I was basically doing some version of "redoing" by writing these: taking the ideas you wrote about and reworking them into my own words. I guess this is the particular sort of "copying" that a modern university education generally trains it's students with (as you noted with your reference to "the last few hundred years of scholasticism")
Thank you for the thoughtful comments and no need to apologize, these are all great. What is interesting to me is how pointless (close) reading is if you don't apply yourself to it 100%, yet how useful it is in learning something. And there's no external way to tell the two apart; it's even difficult for the learner themselves to tell if they are in fact learning something. The "inefficiency" of rote learning (1/2)
and how easy it is to make it an utter waste of time, plus the fact that the yields aren't immediate or quantifiable, might all be part of the reason why it's looked at so negatively in American schools nowadays, but we lose a lot if we banish it entirely. (2/2)