Neocities allows anyone to create a free web site to express themselves. Want to create your own awesome site? Join us!
the autistic urge to fret about misrepresenting myself 🧍♂️ Feeling profoundly ineloquent and agitated today
i'm not transmasc but i feel like finding my spot in the furry fandom (lol) was actually one of the best things that i've done for my gender tbh. the amount of under-represented trans bodies i've seen drawn by some furry artists is actually so amazing. and i'm sure it's the same for some non-furry artists out there too.
on another note, personally, when i see an older trans person, it actually makes me happier than anything else. something about seeing a trans person just survive and love life is so nice and they always seem so happy in their bodies (whether that be with the aged or trans parts)
@transferns omg, I forgot to even mention/consider trans representation in art! Do you care if I screencap your first comment and tack it on the end of the post?
55 hits home like. sometimes when random people online are sexist, like saying "gg man" i feel affirmed, but then they say something like "or woman idk" and even though it's technically being more inclusive, i'll be damned if it doesn't feel like a stab in the chest 😭😭 random sexist stranger perks (???)
@niicespiice omg, "gg man" goes incredibly hard, very affirming for me personally
I love the fandom badges you have on your index!! Do you have a link to the original source?? 👀👀
oh, shoot, yes!! I accidentally removed the link. Here's a centralized place: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Q6LqU2nnnU60ARfc4NPdPbpCMIMl6WSDP_NWomr5OB4/edit?pli=1&gid=1004256205#gid=1004256205 For the fandoms it didn't already have, I had to use the custom button maker from the main website (https://idbuttons.neocities.org/)
@swiftred ahhh thank you for sharing, I'm definitely gonna add some to my blinkie/badge/etc collection page!! * __ *
also forgot to write this, but microblog #52 and #33 resonate a lot. thank you :)
write in notes app on phone without any formatting and then go back and add it once your pc is chargable again. good luck!!
ok this is gonna seem like it's in response to this journal but it's not it's just a synchronicity I've been thinking about it all day. But I wanted to tell u that ur recent posts inspired me to start writing (and SHARING) fanfic again for the first time in I'm pretty sure more than a decade and I want to say THANK U for that :)))
also its genuinely wild to me how often I'll be having vague thoughts that I can't be bothered to sit down and externalise in a coherent manner and then within a day or so you'll drop a post that is those same thoughts. Mind blown on a weekly basis fr
my impression of you is that you are a very thoughtful/interesting/sincere/kind person + find your ability to rationally self-analyze very impressive
re: fanfiction, YAYYY!! I'm SO happy to hear that 😊 Talk about synchronicity, I only just started posting after a 9-10yr writing-block and once I got past the fear of starting, it's been such a gift. I hope the writing and sharing proves a good experience for you too. Thank you lots for telling me that.
And to be fair, I did read your entry yesterday where you discuss being percieved, but it didn't feel prudent to tag it. Thank you, too, for sharing your impression of me. I'm highly, highly grateful and appreciative :,3 thank you!! Forever plagued with the introspection bug, and I'm glad what I barf out is coherent 😁💜
I love your blog; here, at least, you seem very thoughtful and sincere, and not afraid to talk about some very personal stuff. Plus, your "noticing" page is truly lovely.
relatedly: occasionally when i spot someone saying something sweet about me on disc or whatnot i'll screenshot and save that ... something heartwarming about that type stuff
but also sometimes i lowkey forget in general my existence Actually Impacts people in whatever way so even positive reminders of it feel a little humbling (heartwarmingly) - but i guess this might also make it easier for me to brush off some ppl's negative views about Me Existing for what its worth? if that makes sense......
@sneekrealm it absolutely makes sense, yes. I’ve been meaning to sort of archive the kind comments I’ve received here and try to remember to look at them and just let it sink in. I also often feel I don't make an impact even despite evidence otherwise, and for me, I sorta suffer from a lack of ‘Existence permanence,’ like, I assume I disappear from people’s minds
i love your blog posts and your noticing page. they always have something new for me to think about that i never would have come up with myself. your noticing page has made me more aware of my own surroundings (i "notice" more now). i don't always reply because my brain can't usually give me the right words, but i think about you and your site often.
in terms of the "not knowing how to communicate to someone in a normal way" my opinion is like. why does it matter to you if it's the normal way or not (also i swear i tried to post this before but it got deleted, or maybe my wifi just died idk)
I read "normal" in this context as "socially acceptable + therefore unlikely to be misread and accidentally offend/repulse"
I’m struggling to pinpoint what you’re referring to specifically @niicespiice, but yes, what @ocrevol said, like, fuck being normal but also, I still worry about social alienation and repulsion because I am really affected by that. It’s hard to fully unmask, though I continue to try.
very relatable about the "i COULD rest but i don't want to" thing. like people say stuff like "take a break when you want." i hate that, they don't understand at all. because if i let myself at the very least have excuses like that, i'll never do anything. i'd rather work until i'm drained and forcibly must rest, that's probably the best option
Lol, yes same 😭😭. I also hate when people tell me to take a break. If I took a break whenever I was tired, it’d be 90% breaks 😐
i think it's a very "not mentally ill" take to have? because they don't understand mentally ill people they assume we're exactly like them, even though our tolerance is FAR FAR lower. so because of that they go "take a break when you want" and it's like. yeah. i do that and i get called "lazy" or "wasting my life" so what do you guys want 😭
I don't mind if you screenshot, I do remember where I saw it but would take some digging to find the actual post
(continuing the thread here) tbh I'm probably being a lil too mean re: Pete Walker I think he's a good guy with some good advice but the book has got some triggering elements for sure + yeah very therapy focused, which has not er been very helpful for me anecdotally either
Ah, understood! And thank you for commenting on this, by the way :) I've been delighted, and your voice is very much valued
resonates with me soooo muchhhhh. i often feel "too explicit" for the most of online spaces. like there's a "bourdary" of negativity i can talk about. i mean, on personal pages and accounts. even if i put tw, i still feel...... strange and anxious. THANK YOU for writing this
@mustikas I write this as much as a persuasion to myself as well. I still get freaked out sharing, feeling like I’m not allowed to be “too” mentally ill in a public space (online) even though it is my personal website, mirroring what you said.
Had a lot of fun reading through your word collection and testing how they felt spoken.
My goal in life is to be everyone's cool lesbian auntie (something something japanese twitter)
Also, one of the things I had to really teach myself when i was planning my site was: if I don't write about me, who will?
Thank you, Tina :) I'm going to remember that for the future. You've eased my mind some.
re:44 reminds me of a post I saw the other day that said "sick people should have a right to congregate and discuss our illness without worrying about doing it in a way that doesn't upset the healthy people, it shouldn't be shameful or offensive to be visibly ill""
also i lol'd at the surviving the thriving reference man I was told to read that book a few months ago and while it was eye opening in some regards it was exceptionally unhelpful in others and I found myself overall wishing I had skipped it and read psychomagic instead
@ocrevol I really enjoy the quote you shared and I agree with it wholeheartedly. I feel like I've been hurting lately, not entirely feeling there's an acceptable place to be visibly ill-- but that may be more self-imposed than anything, I'm not sure though.
And, hah, I forgot that was the title of the book. I have it on a shelf and wanted to get back to it, actually. I feel "going from surviving to thriving" has become a sort of colloquial phrase and is expected of us, otherwise we're doing life wrong. I did find Pete Walker's '13 Steps for Managing Flashbacks' on his website to be insightful, so I hope to find good stuff in the book. Not in the mood to read it rn tho
art music videogames programming anime games personal food writing cats blog movies gaming books fashion photography comics design animation horror game coding drawing furry manga portfolio technology cute poetry ocs programacion education arte kpop reading history fun sports musica html animals film roblox literature philosophy programing science tech web nature videogame politics travel minecraft gamedev retro school computers youtube cartoons pokemon 2000s videojuegos life video illustration blogging diary fantasy dogs memes internet love random comic videos pink gardening test idk linux webcomic queer nostalgia kawaii oc news fandom y2k tv fanfiction arg business ai worldbuilding emo cooking aesthetic cars journal silly health stuff vocaloid learning 90s fiction math space media website css crafts scifi stories films graphics cutecore software homestuck lgbt football cat etc culture sanrio marketing goth painting punk commissions 3d arts pixelart sport artist archive digitalart funny characters javascript metal me religion dnd trans lgbtq baking cinema diy entertainment psychology comida journaling development cool dance program crochet fanart graphicdesign scene streaming sonic code rpg aboutme webcomics editing story makeup friends indie roleplay comedy webcore creativity plants gay hacking webdesign series shows weird educacion cyberpunk lifestyle electronics guitar languages ttrpg zines computer clothes reviews rock engineering informatica it soccer originalcharacters oldweb community basketball aesthetics weirdcore social vaporwave fnaf everything sewing study discord vtuber about pets html5 spirituality project information beauty photos shop nintendo testing language storytelling movie vintage japan clothing architecture mlp blogs undertale magic cosplay money biology crypto shopping deltarune digital blinkies coffee experimental radio thoughts nothing fitness ttrpgs tecnologia flowers lore furries info chat book resume physics creative japanese hobbies autism bugs lain occult futbol cybersecurity websites wip other site birds alternative witchcraft astronomy singing profile vr ghchs research dolls television fandoms juegos gamedevelopment finance band events system carrd projects sleep anything webdevelopment linguistics genshin splatoon apps python transgender work sleeping theatre fish meme dreams free photo rap personalwebsite vampires pixels toys fortnite knitting robots tvshows aliens mentalhealth fanfic developer crafting windows deportes all touhou interests app wiki puzzle security astrology drawings collecting dog a family animations online links fnf humor pizza fansite mathematics stamps bio cartoon coquette data english interactive lol modding skateboarding gothic roleplaying characterdesign moda dragons mystery yaoi gallery adventure poems gyaru visualnovels gamedesign teaching no dancing zonelets intro twitch hiking breakcore osc hobby romance rp tarot gifs journalism zine objectshows pixel twine essays frutigeraero medicine scenecore chess resources ffxiv home jfashion privacy marvel gatos tf2 android death gym creepypasta hiphop noise dreamcore meow puzzles danganronpa audio graphic rpgs vkei blender shrine awesome mythology progamming robotics law communism swag ecommerce podcast plushies ocean car animes myself socialmedia recipes deporte bfdi introduction hellokitty omori traveling dark indiegames piano none musicals novels paranormal misc lolita stars activism bitcoin boardgames popculture christianity production mario pictures electronic yuri things scratch utau educational old wrestling pjsk girls anarchism vent computing bunnies clowns java student doom foods lesbian birthday spanish flash webdev images dev pc god feminism realestate 80s vtubers geography jpop jewelry store style help epic sharks running transformers maths travelling tumblr 3dmodeling brasil trains computerscience js designing cafe filmmaking creepy college starwars environment translation grunge dinosaurs plurality jogos southpark tools bts craft baseball unblocked event warriorcats programas peliculas programar outdoors pastel songs otherkin stickers escuela retrogaming lego tabletop services novel studying estudiante cyber multimedia yoga collage monsters persona collection forum chemistry jazz volleyball tcc enstars gamer construction yes podcasts weed videoediting homepage mcr fotografia therian hardware shoes acting techno args bl curso whatever search weather cine supernatural closedspecies cricket horses blue insects tea truecrime opensource kidcore trading medical libros kirby angels miku freedom turismo amor maps jesus shitposting sound theater skating petz lgbtqia text pop pinterest learn people bsd socialism restaurant vhs tourism economics ecology surrealism programmer dj videography salud digitalmarketing hockey hi animanga vlog depression kandi egl analysis service conspiracy tiktok historia drama ideas modeling drugs world cryptocurrency skincare alt edm fishing rats mobile blockchain swimming animales bible furniture did author green tattoos cv artwork species surreal ropa frogs general homework miriadax racing cultura draw chatting halloween informacion academia 3dprinting alterhuman academic truth rpgmaker videogaming sciencefiction tutorials css3 wedding healthcare plural scary brazil genshinimpact cleaning dc nerd literatura cozy foss networking chill women jjba estudio server ambient knowledge library programa ghosts aviation bands cryptids practice mods manhwa glitch visualnovel tennis anarchy hardcore sculpture soft hair christian google noticias society analog twitter onepiece water f1 erotica conlang company friendship guns class girly retrogames sociology review live gacha ux cycling university programacao graffiti sites bot neocities kdrama lostmedia frontend instagram anthropology sustainability schoolproject cs quotes colors trinkets eating shitpost kids programs rhythmgames creation filmes archives character prompts batman advertising crime blood theory synthesizers startrek sketching dating church revival future interactivefiction writer bikes ultrakill camping training evangelion garden datascience vampire apple idols artes house 3dart tareas theology tattoo esoteric meditation performance medieval building purple webseries jobs tecnology cards shrines articles magazine industrial illustrations rants otaku chaos superheroes liminal play neopets hack youtuber disney livros silliness analoghorror entretenimiento viajes tarea designer tic content spooky shoegaze new communication magick animal writting finalfantasy sims desarrollo notes php mylittlepony rainbow photoshop ceramics anthro disability desing os cult voiceacting wellness talking something originalcharacter french visualkei overwatch halflife mangas zelda facts download musicproduction animalcrossing rambling vrchat creatures selfship joke miscellaneous ar doodles spiderman repair paganism jokes black party tokipona forsaken satire conlangs exercise folklore harrypotter developing vinyl cheese handmade commission index webring scp archival geek club trabajo vtubing crocheting embroidery kin shifting marxism yugioh private tokusatsu agriculture csgo unblockedgames yapping quiz hotel nails military mtg map decor calculator kink lolitafashion tips vegan oldroblox happy mushrooms spiritual pet generator sweets ranfren thrifting 4chan gender adhd self rave terror beer projectsekai whimsy stupid secret beginner digimon time bass creating musician crk doctorwho proyecto tutorial underground words chiptune retrocomputing mha animating lofi mecha ciencia streamer ios songwriting arcane pruebas minimalism seals hosting ui islam creativewriting men nct conlanging motorcycles casino products more concerts collections randomstuff riddle musics city netflix electronica sonicthehedgehog tamagotchi unix objectshow videgames statistics educativo oldinternet gis
Speaking of your microblog, I thought your post, “Villains & Gratefulness,” was powerful and well-written (and illustrated). 👏 I look forward to further exploring your cool website! 👍
Thank you for the kind messages and the follow. It’s very, very meaningful to me! I look forward to exploring your cool 😎 website as well.