Neocities

410 updated 410

4 weeks ago

20 likes

turd 4 weeks ago

sending you much love <3 don’t blame yourself for “staying” in that situation. sometimes it doesn’t feel so black & white. all you need to do is simply be, now that you’re out of it.

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410 4 weeks ago

yes!!! thank you <33 I AM FREE!!!!!!!!!!!

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corktree 4 weeks ago

im happy ur free!! u deserve a good support system i'm glad you have one around you. i hope you have fun in china and iceland!!!! i know china is super pretty...

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suboptimalism updated suboptimalism

4 weeks ago

writings/meet.html

18 likes

suboptimalism 4 weeks ago

unencrypted for the sake of Scientific Transparency

5 likes

swiftred 4 weeks ago

hell yeah

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getcubed 4 weeks ago

too real. scary real. good stuff

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ranmpy 4 weeks ago

any thoughts on duolicious? or is it just another one of The Apps

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suboptimalism 4 weeks ago

counts as "online"

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daliwali 4 weeks ago

i am very optimistic about social atomization, bullish even. buying long futures for rugged individualism. (disclosure: i have a gf)

4 likes

saddleblasters 4 weeks ago

i feel like 90% of why i have a girlfriend and many platonic female friends is that i grew up with a sister roughly the same age as me. i got more comfortable talking to her and her friends than boys at school, and now years later i have no idea how to be friends with other men in real life. i feel like your situation of lots of friends but no gf is probably healthier though

2 likes

saddleblasters 4 weeks ago

re: 16, I think there could be potential in this if you broaden it a little. live music is one of the few interests that transcends the gender divide. if you replace "learn an instrument" with DJing or making mixes, this gives A LOT of opportunities to talk to new people of all genders. even just being a "noise musician" (which has requires no qualifications) has introduced me to a lot of people

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suboptimalism 4 weeks ago

i dunno, one of my friends is a house/trance/techno dj and i went to one of his events, it was almost all dudes, somebody else even commented to me about "the ratio"

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saddleblasters 4 weeks ago

then maybe it is just shanghai that is like this! i never went outside back when i lived in america

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saddleblasters 4 weeks ago

oh, i know, what's actually going on is that i only go to music stuff my girlfriend djs at, which are automatically more likely to have lots of women. so the gender divide strikes again! i still feel like there is way to flip the divide on its head and use it to your advantage somehow...

3 likes

siqu 4 weeks ago

the landscape is pretty brutal; even if you manage a successful connection we haven't even begun to discuss what happens after, if there's even a future there. If one Really Wants It, signing up for some "class" whether yoga, cooking, painting, etc, seems to be the easiest way to infiltrate the gender divide

4 likes

saltedslug 4 weeks ago

i believe in you!! i'm a cis lesbian so bit of a different thing, but I met my wife at a party in college... and previous girlfriends all through DIY shows, school clubs, and "nightlife" events. Pro tip if you go this route: don't go for the ones binge drinking themselves to death in the corner :)

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niicespiice 4 weeks ago

i love referring to a person you talk about a lot as a "recurring character." it's like me calling parts of my life "arcs" ijofiojaoijf this is so peak

1 like

ophanim 4 weeks ago

suboptimalism, if its any help, i find you charming and im a girl .... you would be a big hit if autistic girls went outside of their rooms more often

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niicespiice 4 weeks ago

why do you even care about fixing your gender-friend-balance in the first place? why do you want a girlfriend? why does it matter? i feel like those are the important things here. maybe it just Doesn't Matter which is why nobody wants it. they're just trna make up reasons why they do cuz Social Normality. i think if you have to make a list this long of ideas, you probably misunderstand the subject matter /srs

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niicespiice 4 weeks ago

also for what it's worth, i kinda assumed you were a woman in the first place. something just about the vibes of the site design is very sligltly feminine. idk i guess i'm sexist oh no

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ghostscape 4 weeks ago

re 21: i'm so sorry but that's my genuine suggestion. i, an engaged gay man, go to salsa dance classes now and have the opposite problem to you in that i simply want to dance and maybe make friends, while it feels like a lot of people there are on the pull. there's frequently not enough men for all the women in the room to have partners. don't knock it til you try it??

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ghostscape 4 weeks ago

(having said that, death to anyone who goes to social dance purely to be a creep. cultivation of Good Communal Vibes is vital)

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sorbier 4 weeks ago

@ghostscape there was a guy in my phd cohort who FIRST THING joined a ballroom class to meet girls. i always wondered if that actually works. surely the girls can tell who's there just to meet girls?

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dogblog 4 weeks ago

the way "meeting through friends" is somehow more deranged to you than "just hanging around a college campus" LOL

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ghostscape 4 weeks ago

@sorbier I'd guess that if you're making a nuisance of yourself, then yeah, people will get fed up. but if you're genuinely trying at all with the dancing (and if you're not, presumably it's just a really frustrating and boring time for you), you'll automatically have a legitimate point of contact with anyone there and can bond over that. plus it's fun for its own sake!

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ghostscape 4 weeks ago

my take is it's fine if you go primarily to try to date people, as long as you're not a dick to the other people there and actually try at the dancing. it is a social thing after all! people go because they want to dance *and* meet people

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projectc190 4 weeks ago

it kind of surprises me to hear that you have almost no platonic female friends bc i thought u were a woman when i first found your site. anyways a few comments..one of my friends is really into rock climbing and seems to have just as much trouble meeting girls, youd think itd help but guess not?

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projectc190 4 weeks ago

i have a girlfriend but i honestly think id be in the same situation if i hadnt lucked out and met her in high school computer science. im a lesbian tho so it's probably different

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letslearntogether 4 weeks ago

I have done similar research (e.g.: https://letslearntogether.neocities.org/scispirit/Sexuality/attraction01 ). Generally, if we start doing things simply to get the attention of others, then we may end up attracting people who are in love with the fantasy that we are projecting instead of who we actually are.

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letslearntogether 4 weeks ago

Personally, I'd much rather be with few people that I can identify with on a deep level, rather than have many superficial relationships. What do you *genuinely* like doing? Look for people in those contexts and then get to know them better. You will already have some common ground as well.

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saddleblasters 4 weeks ago

@letslearntogether I think what a lot of people genuinely like doing is talking with people they find interesting, and often what makes a person interesting has little to do with their concrete interests. Trying new things doesn’t have to be about attracting attention or projecting some fantasy self — it’s just a way of being in new situations and starting conversations with people you wouldn’t have met otherwise.

4 likes

suboptimalism 4 weeks ago

wow, this is the most Discourse i've seen in neocities comments in a long time... sorry if i misled anyone with my site design, tough to be a guy who likes cute things, i had thought the content would makes things clear tho. however, i have also designed an alternate version that's more masculine

4 likes