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kph 9 months ago

GOD, that's so real. Grad school really made me forget I have the kind of neurodivergence where monotony feels like I'm dying. I've been planning to travel a lot. Learning to juggle, reading really hard books, starting ambitious projects. Looking for jobs when all that doesn't work. I do think you should keep an eye on jobs in Toronto if that's where you want to be!

I found your site by searching through the knitting tag. It's so cute!!
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swiftred 9 months ago

A wild blog post appears! in which I tell you why I'm a silly goose

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miela583 9 months ago

Part of my job is customer support over the phone, and I suspect some people expect that if they are talking to someone following the golden rule, it’s their privilege to take advantage of it. Being kind is still important, I think, but I agree with your conclusion here pretty thoroughly.

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iztopher 9 months ago

Ugh, this is such a good post and such a hard lesson to learn, I feel you. My partner and I had to sit down and talk about this because I kept operating under this rule, but the way I wanted to be treated wasn't necessarily the way she did, and vice versa. I hope you can get back some of the kindness you put out into the world, even if it's expressed differently.

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phi1l1y 9 months ago

This is a wonderful entry, one I (and I'm sure countless others) really feel. I was actually talking earlier to a friend about something related; our ways of masking our autism often comes out as extreme politeness, and for me specifically, submissiveness. It is hard for me to identify sometimes that when I laugh at a stranger's joke I don't find funny, or smile and nod my agreement, etc., if that is -

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phi1l1y 9 months ago

- me wanting to be kind and acting out of my heart, or simply the way I feel I must behave. It's certainly a nuanced thing, especially when taking into consideration what you've said about how everyone loves and needs differently. Commencing my yapping now!

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swiftred 9 months ago

It made my day to hear that you both enjoyed and related to my post, and it's nice knowing I'm not the only one <3 thank you for commenting. @iztopher thank you for the well wishes!!

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swiftred 9 months ago

@phi1l1y I honestly think masking is such a bigger part of this than I give credit for. I've been trying to unmask in small ways, like trying not to be overly emotive, or compulsively smile all the time at everyone and, like you said, not laugh at unfunny things, and I realize just how deeply ingrained it is!! You're right that it's hard to separate. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts!

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I've never been so excited to write before =) Muse is such a gift. And many thank you's to the overwhelmingly kind reception of my writing
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tehuan 9 months ago

awwwwh i'm so glad to hear it :] your writing is so wonderful

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swiftred 9 months ago

Thank you lots!!

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swiftred 9 months ago

My second entry for muse is now out =) I'm letting out a deep sigh as I release this one

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fairygore 9 months ago

this felt like it was so cathartic for you. sending you much love <3

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swiftred 9 months ago

Very much so, thank you <3 <3

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owlroost 9 months ago

I'm proud of you for finding that way out and holding tight to it. It's okay to be scared of the unknown, but it says a lot about a person's strength when they continue alongside their fear. I believe in you. Sending all the best wishes- may life be an upwards arc of things getting better for you from here.

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iztopher 9 months ago

I'm proud of you for making it this far, and I'm excited for the next chapter of your life! may it give you the breathing space you need to find out how to be yourself as an adult. i definitely relate to feeling like you've lost your younger fire

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cheytopia 9 months ago

Wishing you all the peace and space to heal and grow. I'm so glad you made it to a safe place <3

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kph 9 months ago

Wow! I've got chills. You're a very clear and emotive writer. And I'm so very excited for you, with the end of this dark winter in sight. Sort of like a yule celebration--you're halfway through this long dark. :)

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swiftred 9 months ago

@owlroost that means so so much, thank you for the well wishes and kind words. I definetely viewed my fear as a weakness, so this is a beautiful, empowering reframe

swiftred 9 months ago

@iztopher thank you so much <3 I really appreciate it

swiftred 9 months ago

@cheytopia thank you <3

swiftred 9 months ago

@kph that's very evocative imagery, thank you for the thoughtful message. It's about time, it's been night for so long! It touches me that you find my writing to be clear and emotive. I will hold that close to me for a long time <3

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tehuan 9 months ago

wow, this piece was so intense and wonderful. so proud of you for how far you've made it. it's always okay to be scared, and i'm wishing you luck as time goes on!

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swiftred 9 months ago

Thank you so much @tehuan <3 <3

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swiftred 9 months ago

So many wonderful additions to the button wall. I'm so grateful for all the new, positive interactions <3

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veyther 9 months ago

YOOOOO IM THERE HI BUTTON ME (I honestly really want to make a mutals page maybe thats what ill tonight hrmm yes i think I will) ALso I listened to ctrl by sza because you said it was one of your favourite albums on your about page and it is just so damn good!!!

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swiftred 9 months ago

YOOOOOOO HI =D I can't believe you listened to it because of me :,3 I'm really glad you liked it!! It brought me so much comfort, I had it on repeat for at least four months

I would like to express my gratitude for the follow =) I love your dream closet by the way!! So stylish, and what a great idea!
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Thank you for the follow! I really resonate with "She's Just Shy" and "It's Funny" from your "Why I Left Home" zine. Looking back at the younger self is so profound, so sad, so loving, so many things
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vagueshape 9 months ago

omg thank you! i honestly never expected anyone to read any of my work lol, but i'm glad it resonated :)

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Hey, I appreciate the follow! I've been really grappling with impostor syndrome myself. I somehow act surprised that I'm not the only one. I wish you luck on your artistic journey, and I know encouraging words don't necessarily beat the impostor syndrome, but I really enjoy how you draw your characters, and the color + lighting on your log post is masterful.
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rareoarfishsightings 9 months ago

super kind of you to reach out whaaaa ..... thank you so much, it's been getting better ! love your art as well, hope the your imposter syndrome gets better too

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swiftred 9 months ago

Glad to hear it! And thank you lots <3

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Thank you for the follow! I look forward to your bookbug review ;3
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I really enjoy how you presented prompt 1 for muse :) I've gone back to it a few times, it surprised me in a good way
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ocrevol 9 months ago

same here, it's extremely compelling

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myrrh 9 months ago

Oh ! Thanks guys ! :)

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Hey, thank you for the follow! Your website has such a warmth, a fullness, and especially the background- it's almost nostalgic? And I look forward to your writing for muse :3
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I accidentally deleted your comment to me!! I gasped!! Thank you kindly for the follow. I love Goro Akechi,,, the normal amount (it's not normal). I love that you have an akechi shrine, beautiful. Btw your website is so cozy and sleek :D
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tsumugsfish 9 months ago

thank you so much! ^__^

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Thank you for the follow! I was reading through your Webmaster page and I feel similarly about website creation, and about digital life being more rewarding. I hope things slow down for you and that you have a smooth, strong end to the semester
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trinityexe 9 months ago

Thank you so much! I appreciate the follow from you as well, your site is full of so much you've created and it's awesome getting to see it all, you're really talented!

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swiftred 9 months ago

It means a lot! Thank you :,3

Hey, I appreciate the follow! Your website is absolutely gorgeous. I'm rooting for you, hoping your transition goes smoothly and that things become more certain soon
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lexiq 9 months ago

hey, thank u sm!! 🥺

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