i think that if you're just writing it, without really the purpose your heart is in - just doing it "for the sake of making it technically better," is there any point? at that point, you may as well quit entirely. would you be okay with that? with quitting?

yeah i feel like i haven't changed since i was 12 😭 but tbf i am younger than you

^ this is why it makes me mad when people insult 12-year-olds, because i basically am one still somehow 🥴

Ageing is a chance to get closer to wisdom, to experience life and observing how the world is immense. We are so small and so lost at the beginning, then you will find your way. Enjoy your time here, happy birthday Blue.

Happy birthday! I definitely understand the feeling of loosing teenage years slipping away… 19 is such a purgatory age

Happy birthday, Blue. 19 was such a complicated time in my life, so I feel you! For someone more far in the road in terms of years, it will get better, I promise.

i remember being so lost at the same age. fumbeling through schools and crappy jobs, not wanting to exist. it took time but i found a place to call home, people to call friends. it's hard, but i know you'll get there, too. happy birthday blue

Happy bday :) I can relate, and I'm quite a bit older.

happy birthday blue. i hope you will find as you get older, you'll have more autonomy, control, and agency in your life, and it will grant you peace and resilience. i will pray for courage and any wisdom you need to find you, and for much hope. i will also pray for your good health. congratulations, and i am very proud of you for making it so far.

Happy Birthday, Blue! The Q&A about the specific aesthetic is interesting to me. <3

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!! (I am also afraid of turning 20…)

Man, this diary entry hit me really hard. Self-loathing is a bitch, and I struggle to overcome it on a daily basis, to the point where I get no work done, which leads to an endless downward spiral of hate and anger. I do my best to not lash out at others, but it comes across as me bottling up these feelings.

If I could, I’d give you a hug right now.

I don't really suffer from self-loathing myself but I can relate to the idea of being worried that everything will come crashing down soon. I know nothing about mental health so I can't really help much, but I hope things improve for you. Sorry that I'm pretty useless.

The constant pressure to have to perform "sociability" is easily the thing that scrapes away the most at my sanity in my day-to-day, abstract and indirect cruelty. Glad you are able to find consistent reprieve at night, away from the judgement of others.

By the way, I'm fairly certain the site-closing scripts only change the index, I usually just bypass them by just appending "/about" to the url, lol.

I read your diary, and I just want you to know that I’m here. You’re not alone.

thank you, that means a lot to me <3