i can still hear their voice in my head, calling me a demon, saying i have demons in me. more than one voice. i hate that those ppl happened to be marginalized in a way i'm not, even if i am marginalized in a lot of ways. it almost makes me feel like everyone around me might be bad, but there's no point in trying to escape them because i'm worse and i can't go to the people who know how bad they are for help because
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i'll be hurting them really, really badly if i show up where they don't want me, but i can't blame them because i...can't blame them. and then i remember the other, even less marginalized people i've met who all thought i had a victim complex and was lazy and irresponsible and stupid and selfish and hostile, everyone from 'girl from rehab' to 'my mother,' and then i remember, oh, yeah, i can't go to anyone for help.
because i don't deserve any. from anyone. the people around me might be bad, but i'm worse. everyone i've ever met seems to agree that there's no good thing i can do, and i hurt people just by being there