i feel like i'm being crushed. i want the holidays to be over. i want to go back to my normal-bad life, different-bad is almost too much. i've got so much in me to share but i feel like i'm running on nothing. drained. still draining
3 likes
god you guys it's so weird to have people you love and hate at the same exact time. like you see them and you enjoy it in the moment but you just keep noticing little things. and it's little things, mostly political in nature. things that poke at your principles or values. they say they have the same principles and values, but they don't. you can't prove they don't. yet. you feel crazy
who the fuck am i kidding. this is what it's like when it's just me and my parents, too. but i guess it's notable and more painful now because these people are supposed to be my friends, they say they are my friends, they say they love me, they say it's authoritarian the way my mother acts, and they don't do shit about it, and they love her, too, and they laugh with her, and talk with her, and they gave her gifts,
you might think that i'm some mentally ill bastard or with luck you think it's just that my family is shitty & abusive, but no, it's neither, or perhaps it's all three including this last option; the other night everyone else in the room was making fun of a disabled person none of them know for being unable to shower, and today, my friend told me she thinks she'd make a good occupational therapist for disabled kids