mantou is a pleasant name for a dog and whisky goes hard as fuck; it's asian americans naming their dog shit like "boba" that makes me cringe. i think there's an inherent beauty in letting yourself just be, without trying to find a greater theme or narrative to it. or maybe i just think that because it has not been long enough since i wrote my last college application essay

i feel like my whole life is this conflict between wanting to fit my life into a narrative and being disgusted by any attempt at "definition"... narratives often allow for community and self-understanding, but over-committing to one can be soul-sucking. i think this ultimately is one of those things with no easy answer, requiring one to walk the middle path...

also, mantou the dog is big, white and fluffy, so the name makes sense... far better than "小黑“, i.e. "little black." (though in my defense he was already named that long before either xiaoxi or i had ever met him.)

@saddleblasters that's a good point! living life aimlessly doesn't feel great, but neither does overanalyzing. it can definitely be tough finding a satsifactory balance between the two

I had this same experience with Western philosophy. Once I started to feel like I was just "filling in gaps" in a narrative I'd already been told, my interest started to wane. It's a lot more fun when you're reading each work as if it might secretly contain Absolute Truth.

I think this goes back to the tendency you and I have to see writing as, above all else, a form of communication. We're always looking for the individual personalities and beliefs behind the words. If one is the kind of person who sees literature as, say, the cultural heritage of a nation/ethnicity, then maybe this grand historical narrative approach to it is more interesting

I'm somewhat relieved to see someone else who had the same experience with coffee, although I still haven't gotten into drinking it yet. My caffeine vice is energy drinks, which is funny because I swore off anything with bubbles as a kid, and still largely don't drink soda..

Late reply, so you might not see this, but I don't really like normal soda either. one of the reasons I like energy drinks is that they come in a million different flavors that all have a peculiar taste to them. i always feel like a child whenever i drink them though, and definitely not healthy...

I often think I want to game when what I really want is a ritualized activity I can start without thought. "When it's game time, I game." This immediately crumbles when I actually choose a specific game and get bored within a week or two.