ended up removing my blog post from june 11th. its not that i don't feel comfortable using this blog as my safe space, its just that it's so hard for me to look at that i would rather bury it than address it. thank you for everyone being so kind when i posted it.

sorry

welcome back from the dead! even if on such a note. being human sucks, i'm really sorry you're going through that. i don't have any advice because i have the emotional capacity of a plastic bottle but i hope things will get better someday

question, does your husband has full access to your emails?

nah we aren't like that, my emails are private.

its good to see you again. i don't have much to offer in advice, but it sounds like theres a festering wound in your relationship and its only going to get worse with time. it'll come to a head eventually, and its up to you whether to initate it yourself or wait until it comes to you, but either way, its gonna suck. would it be better to face it directly or get blindsided? idk. but its not gonna go away

having said that take all my words with a huge grain of salt i have a personality disorder and therefore probably am not in a place to give good advice on relationships. there is always another day and always another choice and things do get better even if it has to get worse first.

thank you guys for your words of encouragement and support. i know its a complicated and very heavy topic. i even hesitated posting it here because of the content, but i just had to get it out of my system. your words do mean so much to me because i know you have no obligation to me, and yet you chose to say something kind regardless.

updated my "currently" section. wish i had more time to do more but i have at least one exam per week this semester!

added my journal. no new entries, but all the old ones are now on here.