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that customer was such a creep, i hope he leaves you alone for good! when you say life continues to drag you on, it felt familiar... like the song rolling girl. you're more capable than you think, and you're already trying hard, that's wonderful! one does not have to be "good" to deserve a good life. i'll pray with you, please take care lisa. we may not share the same pain but i understand the shame of being alive.

Lisa, about us guys, if you aren't blunt in rejection then they'll keep asking. If they're like my late Grandfather though, they'll keep asking in spite of every "no," so just pray at point. That aside, though we all have a need to vent negativity, for your good I would advise you to repent and refrain from blaspheming the Holy Spirit even if you feel you have a need to express despair. ---To be continued

Cont... There is always forgiveness, mercy, and grace. To say otherwise will always be a blasphemy, and a grave sin. Therefore, assuming you're a sister in the faith, I recommend you do what you ought do. Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit's only unforgiveable only insofar as you continue rejecting forgiveness unto death. Excuse me, an open forum's no place to chastise. I'll offer encouragement as well. ---To be cont

First, put away Karma, for your good. Your bookseller friend doesn't understand. Christians don't get good things for good deeds. Saints like Carlos Acutis, Therese of Lisieux, and Joan of Arc die young and painful deaths. Then God preserves the wretched. He leaves us alive to ask, "Why?" To answer that why, God offers us Christians death when He sees us fit enough to resurrect. ---To be cont.

On this, I probably can't tell you what you don't already know. I'm not a priest. He'll tell you how. I only wrote because you should confess your blasphemy. Judas went to Hell for it. He didn't believe in mercy, so he killed himself. Now he burns. St. Peter, who prays for us, he's in Heaven because though he blasphemed the Holy Spirit thrice (I don't know that man [Mercy]!), he continued to live for mercy. ---Cont.

So, in regard to what this means for you, Lisa. Pray, you keep praying and living for mercy's sake. We really are wretched creatures. I'm not even sure if this note's encouraging. Still, by God's Word, He prays for us to become beautiful like Him. Me in them as thou, Father, art in Me. Seems like you carry a cross like Jesus. You may receive a peculiar crown when you pass into Heaven. Be well, Lisa. God is with you.

Say the word and I'll roundhouse kick that creepy customer in the face (ง •̀_•́)ง

Life goes on, as you said. Is the only certainty we have. So do all you said about books, paintings and specially learn something new, just trying its a win. So keep it up. About that customer, just keep an eye open.

୨୧strawberryreverie thank you always for your kindness and grace to me. i appreciate you so much, and your kind words always, and it strengthens me to know you will pray with me. i hope your own shame will be lifted and alleviated from you, for your sweetness truly brightens my heart.

୨୧dennogin lol.! thank you haha.! hopefully it will be nothing more or at least i hope so ⋆

୨୧crepuscular thank you for your kind advice, i do think, that to continue nurturing the brain and spirit is the best use of time, until naturally the pain will shed off in wake of mental stimulation. or at least that is what i imagine. thank you for your encouragement ˖ ࣪

୨୧thelesserword your spiritual guidance and words are always appreciated. i struggle very much in my religiosity, and having to see it through what i have lived. i hope He can see into my heart, and that i will gain understanding and guidance through my prayer, and i always appreciate the words about religion and faith. my own upset and memories can blind me to my faith and understanding at times.

@maggotgirl2002 I understand also, how despair causes us to fall. Sometimes, I've wondered whether God cares, but some comfort comes through from the fact that our God is a suffering God, whose own friends thought Him a failure for dying on a cross. Yep, He suffered to show us that true glory comes by overcoming death. So for you, blessed are those who overcome, who conquer death (Rev. 3:21). Take care. I'll pray.