Okay, temporary(?) fix on the site hitcounter. I tried the Cloudfare route but it told me "error invalid_auth", I think perhaps because I am not a supporter? I can only find examples of the fix working for supporters so that's my best guess. I probably should become a supporter anyway, no reason for me not to at this point. But for now, random site it is.
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lavender-cowboy
2 weeks ago
Also REALLY need to update gallery and hoard. Had very little motivation lately.
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the-briar
2 weeks ago
That sounds terrifying. I'm glad you've been able to cling onto reality and I hope you can overcome it! I'm sorry for your recent loss. It just seems like things have been too much. :(
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Hi! I came across your older blog post that's partially about not wanting to take a GLP-1 medication. Just wanted to say thanks for your honesty with it, it's so refreshing to hear someone with a similar perspective. I'm working on a piece for my site about similar feelings, which is how I came to find yours. it's definitely complicated when people in my life are shrinking and I feel pressure to do the same.
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lavender-cowboy
3 weeks ago
Thank you for your comment! I could absolutely go more into depth on the subject especially with time passed, I've had a lot of time to think on it and many new experiences. I am still firm on not using GLP-1's. Whenever my mind thinks "maybe it would be easier than being my current weight" it feels like a resignation against myself.
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lavendercola
3 weeks ago
Ugh, so relatable. I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on the topic if you're ever up to talk about it! feel free to email me at lavendercola@proton.me, but no pressure of course:)
Loved your essay on Tove/moomins - I had no idea rage against the machine liked moomins but it fits!
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Hit counter doesn't look like its working! Site that ran the original is down. Will try to see if that's permanent or a temporary thing.
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defiantdandylion
2 months ago
Unfortunately heavily relate, still don't know if I have bpd but I was off the rails for a good few years, made me do stuff I look back on and it's like looking at a very different person. It can be somewhat excused cause I was going and when your young you don't have as much grasp on your emotions or the tools to know how to deal with things. But still feel bad for those I hurt. But anyway I relate alot to-
defiantdandylion
2 months ago
- the chameleon comment and struggle with identity, I still do now. Growing up I just took on the personality of those around me to fit in and belong because being alone was scarier than being with people I didn't even particularly like. Being different as well meant getting bullied but If you were with others that was less likely to happen. But because of that safety stuff I felt like I didn't really know who I was
defiantdandylion
2 months ago
Didn't know my hobbies or even my favourite colour and over the years I moulded myself more to accommodate to others, to be less controversial out of safety. But now Adays I try to be more challenging and confrontational and not care as much about fitting in just because I want to feel safe, when it's uncomfortable to pretend to be something I'm not. I'm still figuring out stuff out though but that's my ted talk
Sometimes it's hard to figure out whether something is a blog or a half-baked essay. Even if it is a half-baked essay... does it deserve a place on the writing page? Must I flesh it out?
I still have a history of the oldest private mental hospital in Texas sitting in my files because I didn't finish it. I should do that.
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I'm so sorry to hear about your friend and finding her killer's substack:( that would be rage inducing for anyone, and it would honestly make me spiral. props for at least getting him to not use his full legal name, but yeah, dude needs to shut up
@lavendercola Thank you, I appreciate your comment. He's got quite a few followers on that substack, too, there's comments on these posts saying it's "insightful," that he's "brilliant." makes it hard to not comment what exactly it is they're praising him for.