It sounds like you are dealing with *a lot* of stress right now...It is not always readily apparent when manipulation is occurring, so you are not a "stupid idiot" if you happen to fall victim to it. Some people can be very selfish and cunning, but thankfully, not everyone is dishonest in that way...
...Some questions that I find helpful to ask myself when trying to assess this: "How do words match up with actions on a consistent basis? If they regularly contradict, how trustworthy are they?" Charisma means nothing if it is based on lies, but the only way to determine that is through patient observation...
...Likewise, please do not give up on investing in your mental-emotional and physical health. Change takes time. Instead of beating ourselves up over the moments that we backslide, we can use what we learn to refine the process. It becomes easier when we try to find ways to make healthy habits more enjoyable and less like a chore...
...In short, aim for consistency rather than "perfection". Track your progress, not your failures...I hope none of this comes off as "unwanted advice". I simply want to encourage you in the constructive things that you are already doing. Take care. 🌻
Thank you both for your kindness! T_T Truly, it has brought a smile (and watery eyes) to my face.
Not to assume anything, but I wonder if they are stoned and got the munchies. The people who drink till closing hour meet up with the people who smoke all day now congregate at the local corner store at 1 A.M. Together, they decide to "overthrow the capitalist pigs" who got them addicted in the first place by making a liquor store combination smoke shop only to realize that they are back where they started. LOL!
Nothing wrong with serving yourself. But you do give up some anonymity in a relationship. Don't punch yourself in the face. Alcohol will do that.
Your life is precious. Please don't give up on it. And as cliché as it might sound, hope is always worth holding on to. It leads us step by step towards realizing our constructive purpose. 🌻