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One of my most insane tricks was calculating a straight-line distance between two points on the screen to do accurate collision detection for projectiles moving in arbitrary directions. I used a loop to figure out square roots using brute-force guesses until I found the one that was "closest", then I used that in a pythagreon therom formula to get the distance. It was really hard on the CPU.
My craziest trick was simulating programming objects. I had a set of variables and I read an enemy sprite's X Y position, then its event id, then looped through all the variables to find that id, then treated the variables next to that as that enemy's data. I would do this EVERY FRAME to read how many HP that enemy has and then do checks for damage or whether it just died. EVERY FRAME. The scripting was a nightmare.
... That whole simulated object trick actually worked. But you do NOT want to write scripts like these. But it did allow me to create a real-time zelda style combat system for my NSFW game. http://www.humbird0.com/content/games/zelda_marle/content.htm