Heavy. To be honest, even if one has faith in the idea of an afterlife, dealing with death is always difficult, especially when that death seems completely senseless. The fact that you took the time to remember your friend's kindness is meaningful though.
"...I want to express love and I want to eventually get married and life a normal, ooey-gooey domestic life." Man, I feel that one. All I want is a peaceful, simple life. In the case of romantic relationships, physicality before intimacy is to put the cart before the horse in my opinion.
As a result, instead of lovingly binding together, it can often distort and destroy. I do not blame anyone for such a state though. It seems that very few people can navigate it intelligently when biological drives and emotions become the rudder.